Greg Behrendt - Barely a Guy

  • Season 4 , Ep 7
  • 01/14/2001
  • Views: 5,848

Greg Behrendt is big and he likes women. After that, forget it. (1:43)

I GOT TO ADMIT THAT.

I'M NOT A TOUGH-- I'M NOT A BAD

ASS AT ALL.

I'M BARELY A GUY.

I SWEAR.

I'M LIKE A GUY FOR TWO REASONS:

I'M KIND OF BIG AND I LOVE

WOMEN.

AND THEN AFTER THAT, FORGET IT.

I AM NOT CAPABLE.

I AM NOT THRIFTY.

I CAN'T FIX IT.

I CANNOT FIX IT.

"OH, GREG WILL FIX IT."

"NAH.

THE HELL HE WILL.

HE CAN'T."

I DON'T HAVE THAT GUY GENE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND TOOLS.

I CAN'T FIX IT.

FOR AS MUCH AS I KNOW ABOUT

BEING A GUY, I MIGHT AS WELL GO

TO A TOOL STORE, A HARDWARE

STORE WEARING A TIARA.

YOU KNOW?

"HI.

DO YOU HAVE A BANG-BANG-BANG

TO PUT THAT POINTY THING IN FOR

THE-- I NEED A GRAB-HOLD AND A

TWISTY BECAUSE I'M PUTTING UP

SOME-- HELP-- CURTAINS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO--"

I'M NOT GOOD AT BEING A GUY.

I'M NOT A CAR GUY.

I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT CARS.

I MEAN, I LIKE 'EM.

I'LL GO TO A CAR SHOW WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW?

AND I'LL GO LOOK AT CARS,

BECAUSE I THINK THEY'RE

BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT.

AND I LIKE LOOKING AT THE

INTERIOR AND ALL THAT STUFF.

BUT YOU OPEN THE HOOD AND START

TALKING ABOUT "THAT'S GOT A

DUAL-HEAD CAMMY..."

YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY, "BANANA,

BANANA, BANANA."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE (BLEEP)

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

(LAUGHTER)

I NEED TO LAY DOWN UNTIL YOU SAY

SOMETHING ABOUT A KENNETH COLE

SHOE SALE.

THAT'S GOT MY ATTENTION.

YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT DADDY LIKES.

YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)

BUT I AM A GUY IN THE-- IN THE

WAY THAT I WON'T ASK FOR HELP.

I WON'T ASK FOR HELP.

YOU KNOW HOW I GET STUFF DONE?

BY DOING IT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

THAT'S HOW I GET STUFF DONE.

I'M WORKING--

I'M LIKE...

UNTIL A FRIEND JUST GOES,

"DUDE, STOP.

KNOCK IT OFF.

STOP.

JUST STOP.

STOP.

SERIOUSLY.

GO GET US SOME SANDWICHES.

KNOCK IT OFF.

THAT'S-- JESUS, GREG.

THERE'S BLOOD ON YOUR STEREO.

WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?

THEY'RE JUST SPEAKERS."

YOU SHOULD ASK FOR HELP.

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