Chris Hardwick - Where Do Babies Come From?

Chris Hardwick: Funcomfortable Season 1, Ep 1 04/30/2016 Views: 3,209

Chris Hardwick remembers how his parents told him where babies come from and wonders how fetishists explain sex to their kids. (2:05)

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I remember the moment

I found outwhere babies come from.

I remember the exact momentI found out

where babies come from.I was four years old.

I was in the backof my parents' car.

My dad was driving.This is driving.

This is not how I found out.

Come on.

My dad was driving,Mom was in the passenger seat,

and I just had that--I had that existential crisis

that a kid has, you know,the first time

you become aware, like,I was not before,

and now I am, so I blurt out,

"Where do babies come from?"

My dad's like,"I'll field this one.

"Well, men have a penis,and ladies have a vagina,

"and a man puts his penisin the vagina,

and a while later,a baby comes out."

And I was like, "Okay.

"Follow-up question.

How far in doesthe man put his penis?"

And my mom goes,"I'll field this one."

Slowly she turned,looking sideways at my father.

She goes, "Not very far."

So they divorced.

[chuckles]

What do you tell your kidsif you're a fetishist, right?

What if you're a fetishist?What do you tell your kids, huh?

And by the way,there's nothing wrong

with being a fetishist, right.

There's nothing wrongif you have a fetish.

It's not like you plan it.

You know, fetishesare just weird boner landmines

that you trip overlater in life,

and you're like, "Oh, I guessthat's what I like now."

Like, you don't knowwhere it comes from.

Things happenwhen you're younger.

No one tells you.It's not like

your parents take you asideand go, "Remember that harness

"we put on you when you werelearning how to walk?

That's gonna come back later."

I just imagine, like,a fetishist telling their kid.

"Where do babies come from?"

"Well, when a daddyloves a mommy very much,

he dresses like a bearand eats honey out of her butt."