Last night wasthe first presidential debate
between meme-GrandmaHillary Clinton
and fat-suit-Robert-RedfordDonald Trump.
They covered everythingfrom international trade,
to healthcare, to whether
Trump called Rosie O'Donnell"a disgusting slob."
-They actually didn't talkabout healthcare. -(laughter)
Now in case you didn't watch
'cause you wantto maintain a naive belief
in the concept of democracy...
The fact that (bleep)is not gonna get
real weird in, like, six weeks.
The debate basically boiled downto Hillary listening patiently
while Donald Trump rantedlike a bus-station hobo.
Here's a tiny example of that.
Well, nobody was pressing it.Nobody was caring much about it.
I figured you'd ask the questiontonight, of course,
but nobody was caring muchabout it.
But I was the onethat got him to produce...
-uh, the birth certificate...-(contestants mocking, babbling)
...and I think I did a good job.
Hey, that was a very good movewith the, uh, birth certificate.
I don't know, though.I'm still undecided about this.
Comedians, you probably havesome experience
nodding alongwhile a man is talking,
-like now, for instance.-(laughter)
Uh, so... I would like youto give me...
At this moment, right now,
'cause I liketo hear my own voice,
I want you to give meHillary's internal monologue
while Trump is rambling.
Well, nobody was pressing it...
There's clearly a tiny child
inside this nastyold man's body.
-(laughter)-Oh, my God!
Was that movie Big actually a documentary?
-(applause and cheering)-Point to Grace Helbig.
And to think they thought
a presidential nominee wouldn'tfind time to do her Kegels.
(cheers and applause)
-Very athletic.-And down.
They're gonna change the nameof the building
to the "Tight House."
-Yeah!-HARDWICK: Oh, come on.
-(applause and cheering)-Come on.
You (bleep), you miserable(bleep) (bleep).
I should just walk right over
and rip that wig off yourgeriatric richie-rich ass.
-(laughter)-HARDWICK: All right.
-(cheers and applause)-Points for Hannah.