Dave Gets Oprah Pregnant - Uncensored

  • Season 2 , Ep 9
  • 03/17/2004
  • Views: 364,691

Watch a week in the life of Dave after he finds out that he knocked up Oprah Winfrey. (5:14)

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[phone ringing]

- HELLO?

- DAVE, IT'S OPRAH.

- OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP, GIRL?

- LOOK, DAVE, I'M PREGNANT.

- ARE YOU SURE IT'S MINE?

- NO, DAVE, LISTEN,IT'S YOURS.

- GOT YOU, BITCH!- WHAT?

- JUST HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

[grunting]

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, OPRAH,

I'MA FLY TO CHICAGOTOMORROW, OKAY?

BUT I'M GOING TO NEED YOUTO SEND ME A TICKET.

- I'LL FLY YOU OUT.

- OH, OH, OH, AND, BABY,

COULD YOU HAVE A LIMOUSINEPICK ME UP AT THE BAGGAGE CLAIM?

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVENO CAB MONEY

TO GET FROM THE AIRPORTTO YOUR HOUSE.

- OKAY, SURE THING.

- THANKS, BOO.

OPRAH?

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

- I LOVE YOU TOO,DAVID CHAPPELLE.

- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GOTO WORK AND TELL EVERYBODY

THE GOOD NEWS TOMORROW,

AND I'LL SEE YOU IN CHICAGO.

BYE-BYE.

HEY, EVERYBODY, I'VE GOTAN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!

DING, DING, DINGDING, DING!

I QUIT!

UH!

KISS MY ASS, EVERYBODY!

EXCUSE ME, CAN I HAVEA QUICK WORD WITH YOU?

UH, KISS MY ASS.

COULD YOU TYPE A MEMO OF THATAND SEND IT AROUND?

[laughing]

I QUIT!

- DAVE, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

- OH, SALLY, IT'S NOTWHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME;

IT'S WHAT'S GOTTENINTO OPRAH:

MY SEED, SON!

[laughs]

I'M RICH, BITCH!

HEY, HEY, YOU KNOWI NEVER APPROVED THIS.

NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO MEAROUND HERE.

I'M NOT DANGEROUS!

AT LEASTI WASN'T DANGEROUS.

[laughs]

- MORGAN?

- GUYS, I ALMOST FORGOT.

REMEMBER YOUR SPIRIT.

[farts]

[laughs]

OH, IT SPRAYED.

I'LL SEE YOU IN CHICAGO.

- ♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVING ON UP ♪

- BYE, BABY.HAVE A GOOD DAY AT WORK.

TRY TO STAY OFF YOUR FEET, BOO.

[moaning]

YEAH, THAT FEELS--OH, THAT--

- HELLO?

- HEY, BABY,HOW WAS THE SHOW?

- NOT BAD.

- OH, THIS IS CHUN LI.

CHUN LI,THIS IS MY BABY'S MAMA, OPRAH.

BABY.

HEY, BABY, YOU MINDIF I GET A HAPPY ENDING?

SHE DIDN'T SAY NO.

ALL RIGHT, I'M READY.

- I'M HOME.

- HEY, BABY.

IT'S BRUCE LEE'S BROTHER.

- HELLO.I LOVE YOUR SHOW.

- $7,000 AN HOUR.

SOUNDS EXPENSIVE,BUT I THINK THE SAFETY

OF YOU AND OUR BABYARE PRICELESS, ALL RIGHT?

CHECK THIS OUT.

[both screaming]

- GET AWAY FROM OPRAH!

[laughs]

- HELLO?

- HEY, BABY.HOW WAS THE SHOW?

OH.OH, THIS IS FELICIA.

FELICIA, THIS ISMY BABY'S MAMA, OPRAH.

BE OUT IN A MINUTE, SWEETIE.

I'M JUST PAINTING.FINISHING UP.

LET ME FILL THIS OUTA LITTLE BIT OVER HERE...

♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYING

♪ JUST TO GET UP THAT HILL

♪ NOW WE'RE UPIN THE BIG LEAGUES ♪

♪ I GET MY TURN AT BAT--

- DAVID!

- OH, SNAP!

HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S THE LADYTHAT MADE IT ALL POSSIBLE.

GIVE IT UP FOR MY BABY'S MAMA,

OPRAH MOTHERFUCKING WINFREY.

WHAT'S HAPPENING, BABY?

HOW WAS THE SHOW?

WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEADAND RUN THE BATHWATER,

AND I'LL COME AND PUT SOMESALT IN A MINUTE.

I KNOW YOUR FEETPROBABLY HURTING.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.ALL RIGHT.

HEY, STEVE, YOU MINDPUSHING THE BUTTON?

I'MA TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

♪ FISH DON'T FRYIN THE KITCHEN ♪

♪ BEANS DON'T BURNON THE GRILL ♪

- ♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYING

♪ JUST TO GET UP THAT HILL

[phone ringing]

- HELLO?

YOU AGAIN.

LOOK, STEDMAN, YOU GONNAHAVE TO MOVE ON, ALL RIGHT?

NO, FUCK THAT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT Y'ALL HAD.

SHE'S HAVING MY BABY, OKAY?

SO YOU LEAVE THIS FAMILY ALONE.

I LOVE HER!

FINE.WHATEVER, BITCH.

- DAVE, HONEY,WHO WAS THAT ON THE PHONE?

- HUH?BABY, IT'S NOBODY.

IT WAS FOR ME.

JUST GO BACK IN THE BATH.

STEDMAN GRAHAM,IF YOU FUCK THIS UP FOR ME...

THERE YOU GO!

YES!YEAH!

YOU DID IT, BOO, YOU--

WHAT THE FUCK?

THIS NIGGA LOOKSJUST LIKE DR. PHIL!

- WOMEN ARE SMART.

MEN ARE STUPID.

- OH, SHIT!

OPRAH, WHAT ABOUTOUR DREAMS, HUH?

- SORRY, DAVE.

- WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?I QUIT MY JOB.

SHIT!

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