Lenny Clarke - Kids Are Crazy

  • Season 6 , Ep 5
  • 05/19/2002
  • Views: 2,238

Don't ever throw a bomb at a nun. (2:36)

A GOOD TEACHER.

ANY TEACHERS HERE TONIGHT?

WE APPLAUD YOU.

GOOD FOR YOU.

I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL.

WHAT GRADE DO YOU TEACH?

FIRST GRADE?

THAT'S MY FAVORITE GRADE.

IMAGINE TEACHING THEM.

IF THEY GET OUT OF LINE, YOU

JUST PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

(LAUGHTER)

"WHAT HAPPENED TO LITTLE JIMMY?"

"HE FELL.

HE FELL!"

(LAUGHTER)

ARE YOU BOTH TEACHERS?

OH, YOU DON'T TEACH.

OH, SHE TEACHES YOU.

SHE'S LOVEABLE.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TEACHER

YOU ARE.

I DIDN'T HAVE TEACHERS LIKE YOU.

NO, I DIDN'T.

AND TEACHERS HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

THE KIDS TODAY.

THE KIDS ARE CRAZY.

THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH METAL

DETECTORS, THEY GOT TO WORRY

ABOUT BEING BEATEN, AND ROBBED,

AND RAPED, AND STABBED.

AND THIS IS JUST BY THE KIDS

WHO SHOW UP.

REALLY.

SOMEONE SAID TO ME THE OTHER

DAY, "HEY, I WANT TO GET A GUN."

I SAID, "GO TO KINDERGARTEN."

THESE KIDS ARE RUNNING AROUND

WITH GUNS, AND I'M NOT MAKING

LIGHT OF THIS.

IT'S CRAZY.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T HAVE THAT.

TEACHERS WOULD WHACK ME.

I HAD NUNS.

YOU COULD THROW A BOMB AT A NUN

SHE'D JUST TAKE IT PUT IT UP

UNDER HER THING, BOOM!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, BOY?

DON'T YOU EVER THROW A BOMB

AT A NUN AGAIN!

I'LL BEAT YOU."

(LAUGHTER)

BUT TEACHERS, I APPLAUD YOU.

WE THINK YOU'RE GREAT.

YOU'RE OVERWORKED,

YOU'RE UNDERPAID, AND THEY DON'T

DO ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SUPPORT YOU

'CAUSE GOD KNOWS WE DON'T WANT

THOSE KIDS HOME WITH US EIGHT

HOURS A DAY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SOME OF THE TEACHERS TODAY,

THEY DON'T COME OUT AND HAVE

A NICE NIGHT OUT LIKE YOU.

THEY'RE WORRIED.

THEY'RE HOME GOING, "OH, GOD,

I GOT TO CORRECT PAPERS.

I CAN'T FLUNK THIS KID HE'LL

KILL ME."

I MEAN, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU OUT

HAVING A GOOD TIME 'CAUSE YOU

DESERVE IT SOMETIMES.

SOME TEACHERS JUST FLIP OUT

AND SNAP.

LIKE THAT WOMAN IN WASHINGTON

STATE WHO HAD SEX WITH THE KID.

AND SHE GOT PREGNANT BY HIM

TWICE.

AND NOW HE'S SUING THE

WASHINGTON STATE SCHOOL SYSTEM

FOR $10 MILLION AND THEY SAY

HE MAY WIN.

OR THIS OTHER TEACHER IN

NEW HAMPSHIRE WHO WON'T STOP

CALLING ME OR WRITING ME.

YOU MAY REMEMBER HER, HER NAME

IS PAMELA SMART.

DOES THAT RING A BELL TO YOU?

SHE WAS THE FIRST ONE.

SHE WAS THE ONE THAT SAID TO HER

STUDENTS, "IF YOU KILL MY

HUSBAND, I'LL GIVE YOU SEX."

AND LITTLE JIMMY IN THE BACK

SAID, "HEY, YOU GIVE ME SEX,

I'LL KILL THE WHOLE SCHOOL."

SEX WITH THEIR STUDENTS IS WHAT

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.

SEX WITH THEIR STUDENTS!

WHERE WERE THESE TEACHERS WHEN

I WAS IN SCHOOL?

(LAUGHTER INTO APPLAUSE)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I WOULD HAVE BEEN A GENIUS.

I COULD HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT.

WELL, NOT THIS ONE, BUT THE LAST

ONE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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