Myq Kaplan - "Terminator: Part 0"

  • Season 14 , Ep 22
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 19,144

Science fiction in ancient Greek times involved fear of the pulley, lever and inclined plane. (1:24)

AND I ALWAYS WONDER,

"WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEFORESCIENCE WAS SO ADVANCED?"

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE BACK WHEN --

ANCIENT GREEK TIMES, SAY,WHAT WAS SCI-FI LIKE?

WAS IT LIKE, "BEWARE...

"THE PULLEY AND THE LEVERAND THE INCLINED PLANE!

"THEY'RE GAINING AWARENESS!

IT'S 'TERMINATOR PART ZERO:RISE OF THE SIMPLE MACHINES.'"

THAT ONE TAKES A LOT OF DORKYKNOWLEDGE TO GET EVERYTHING.

THANKS, EVERYBODY.THANK YOU.

I WAS ON A BUSREADING A COMIC BOOK.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? YES.

I WAS SITTING NEXT TO A GIRLREADING A NON-COMIC BOOK,

A TRAGIC BOOK,YOU MIGHT CALL IT A BOOK.

AND I SAID,"WHAT ARE YOU READING?"

SHE SAID, "THE BIBLE."

I SAID, "I'VE HEARD OF IT."SMOOTH. I'M IN.

SO SHE SAYS,"WHAT ARE YOU READING?"

I SAID, "OH, IT'S 'THE PUNISHER'BY MARVEL COMICS."

SHE SAYS, "I HAVEN'T HEARDOF THAT. WHAT'S IT ABOUT?"

I SAY, "IT'S A GUY WHO KILLSPEOPLE OUT OF VENGEANCE,

KIND OF LIKE YOUR BOOK."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND SHE SAYS,"DO YOU HAVE A BIBLE?

HAVE YOU READ THE BIBLE?"

AND I SAY, "NO, BUT I'D LOVE TOIF SOMEBODY GAVE ME ONE.

I LIKE READINGAND LEARNING AND BEING OPEN."

AND HER FACE LIGHTS UP.

SHE GIVES ME HER BOOK,AND SHE GETS OFF THE BUS.

SHE DOESN'T GIVE ME ANY TIMETO DO ANYTHING,

LIKE THANK HER

OR MAKE A SIZZLING NOISE WHENSHE HANDED IT TO ME OR ANYTHING.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HILARIOUS.I WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THAT.

THE POINT IS,SHE'S DOING A GOOD DEED.

SHE'S HAPPY.SHE'S BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN.

I AM GETTING A BOOK FOR FREE.I'M HAPPY.

I'M BEING A GOOD JEW.

AND WE BOTH WIN AS LONG ASTHERE'S NO GOD FOR REAL, RIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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