Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - Color Printer

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 1 07/20/2013 Views: 42,501

Kumail Nanjiani would never try to print the background of CyanLovers.com. (1:59)

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I'll tell you apet peeve of mine.

So I just boughta new color printer, right?

New color printer.

And it has--You don't--

People are "whoo"ingfor that.

You guys are too nice.

But I buythis color printer.

So it has, you know, it hasthe one black ink cartridge,

and then it has the threecolored ink cartridges, right?

And it ran out of just oneof the three colors,

and it stopped

printingeven the black.

Even though I haveenough black ink,

it wouldn't printjust black.

That's fucking bullshit,right?

- Yes!

[cheers and applause]

- Ugh.

I was so angry.

I dealt with it the mostdirect way I could think of.

I tweeted about it,

which is just one step above

if I'd just goneto my balcony and been like,

"My printer won't print!"

All right, should be workingpretty soon now.

The problem is handled.

But I was so angry,

I was yelling at--

I'm yellingat the printer,

which is nota living thing.

I'm literally like,"You have enough black ink!"

It was just out of cyan.

Which begs the question:

How the fuck did I evenrun out of cyan?

I'm not going to, like,


and just printingthe background.

Plus, how the fuckdoes cyan

get to be oneof the three printer colors?

Who had ever heardof cyan before?

Now it's oneof the three printer--

That's a pretty big get forthe cyan PR people, you know?

Cyan's agents musthave called him like,

"Are you sitting down, Cyan?

"We have amazing news.

"You're going to be oneof the three printer colors.

You're gonna be workingwith magenta and yellow."


"Yellow'sbeen around forever!

"Yellow's a fucking legend!

"I loved yellow's workon bananas

"and egg yolks

and cowardice."