Kevin Meaney - Losing the House

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 07/02/1999
  • Views: 5,063

Kevin's mother was always worried about losing the house. (1:29)

IF I TOLD YOUI WAS SEEING A SHRINK.

NOT A PSYCHIATRIST.

JUST A LITTLE SHRIVELED-UP GUYI TELL MY PROBLEMS TO.

HE'S HAPPY THAT I'M MARRIED,YOU KNOW

AND I THINK EVERYBODY'S HAPPYTHAT I'M MARRIED.

NO, 'CAUSE NOW I'M NOT GOINGON THE BLIND DATES

AND I'M COMING BACK WITHTHE STORIES ABOUT THAT.

YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL THEMBLIND DATES.

BECAUSE WHEN YOU SEE THE GIRL

YOU WANT TO JAB SOMETHING SHARPINTO YOUR EYEBALLS.

( screaming )

( laughter )

ANYTHING COULD POKE AN EYE OUTWHEN I WAS A KID.

I'D BE PASSING PIZZAACROSS THE TABLE.

"YOU'RE GOING TO TAKEYOUR BROTHER'S EYE OUT

"WITH THAT SLICE.

"NOW PUT YOUR GOGGLES ONAND GO TO BED.

"AND STOP THE ROLLINGUP THERE.

"STOP THE ROLLING IN THE BED.

"ALL NIGHT LONG IN THE BED.

"ROLLING, ROLLING, ROLL...

"YOU'RE GOING TO FALL OUTOF THAT BED

"AND POKE YOUR EYE OUT.

"THEN YOU'RE GOING TO SUE US

AND WE'RE GOINGTO LOSE THE HOUSE TO YOU."

MY MOTHER WAS ALWAYS SAYING THATTO ME

WHEN I WAS A KID.

"WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THE HOUSE.

WE'RE GOING TO LOSETHE ( bleep ) HOUSE."

ANYTHING COULD LOSE THE HOUSEWHEN I WAS GROWING UP.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A TEENAGER,19, 20.

"MOM, CAN I BORROWTHE CAR TONIGHT?"

"YOU'RE NOT TAKING THAT CAROUT TONIGHT.

"TAKING THE CAR OUTAT NIGHT!

"YOU'RE GOING TO SMASHINTO SOMEBODY

"THEY'RE GOING TO SUE US

AND WE'RE GOINGTO LOSE THE HOUSE."

WELL, THOSE WERE MY PLANSEXACTLY TONIGHT, MOTHER, YES.

( applause )

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

YOU KNOW...

Loading...