Christian Finnegan - Stories

  • Season 9 , Ep 7
  • 03/10/2005
  • Views: 17,999

Christian's pet peeve is a pointless story. (3:04)

YOU GUYS I'M SURE HAVE

REAL JOBS, OFFICE JOBS.

ANYBODY BY A SHOW OF

BROKEN SPIRITS, ANYBODY?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO HAVE

OFFICE JOBS.

I'M NOT ALLOWED.

I WAS TOLD BY A PHYSICIAN

TO AVOID ANY LINE OF WORK,

WHERE PEOPLE NEED TO, UM...

DEPEND ON ME FOR ANYTHING.

[LAUGHTER]

WHICH RULES THAT OUT.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THE THING I HATE ABOUT WORKING

IN AN OFFICE IS THAT THERE'S

ALWAYS THAT ONE GUY IN EVERY

OFFICE WHO'S NEVER AT HIS OWN

DESK.

HE'S JUST WALKING AROUND MAKING

CHITCHAT WITH PEOPLE ALL DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

THIS IS THE KINDA GUY WHO WILL

COME AND TALK TO YOU HAVING

NO IDEA THAT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY

BE BUSY DOING SOMETHING.

LIKE-- "AH, EXCUSE ME,

I'M TRYING TO MAKE MY

LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALLS.

THANK YOU."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"DUDE, THIS IS MY COUSIN

IN MAINE.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE WASTING

MY ANYTIME MINUTES ON THIS.

CAN YOU JUST--

THE INTERNET ISN'T GOING

TO SURF ITSELF, ALL RIGHT?

CAN YOU JUST KEEP WALKING?"

[LAUGHTER]

YOU HAVE TO BE RUDE TO A GUY

LIKE THAT BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,

HE'LL JUST LAUNCH INTO SOME

LONG PERSONAL ANECDOTE THAT HAS

NO POINT AT ALL.

DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO WILL

TELL YOU A STORY, AND ABOUT

10 MINUTES IN YOU'D BE LIKE,

"WHY DO I NEED TO KNOW THIS?"

IT'S LIKE A HUGE PET PEEVE

OF MINE.

HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW WHEN

A STORY HAS NO POINT--

BECAUSE THEY ALL END WITH

THE EXACT SAME SENTENCE.

AND THAT SENTENCE IS,

"SO I WAS JUST LIKE, PFFF."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL PUT IT INTO CONTEXT

FOR YOU.

"SO I WENT DOWN THERE.

I'M LIKE 'CAN I GET MY

PETTY CASH?'

SHE'S LIKE 'YOU GOTTA HAVE DAVE

SIGN THAT.'

I'M LIKE, 'DAVE'S AT A SALES

CONFERENCE 'TIL THURSDAY.'

SHE'S LIKE, 'SORRY.'

AND I'M JUST LIKE, 'PFFF.'

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW THAT CHUNK

OF YOUR LIFE IS GONE FOREVER.

YOU WILL NEVER GET THOSE MINUTES

BACK.

I WON'T STAND FOR IT.

HERE'S WHAT I DO.

YOU CAN STEAL THIS IF YOU LIKE.

IF SOMEBODY'S EVER TELLING YOU A

STORY AND YOU WANT 'EM TO STOP,

JUST MAKE YOUR MAKE-OUT FACE.

[LAUGHTER]

I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WORKS.

AS HE'S TALKING, JUST GET

RIGHT UP CLOSE TO HIM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

STARE AT HIS MOUTH,

TILT YOUR HEAD SLIGHTLY,

AND LEAN IN.

AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO

GET BOLD, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND

PART YOUR LIPS.

SO AS HE'S TALKING, HE JUST SEES

THIS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THAT DUDE WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU

AGAIN.

THAT IS MY PROMISE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND IF HE DOES, WELL THAT'S

REALLY ON YOU AT THAT POINT.

YOU BROUGHT THAT ON YOURSELF.

AT LEAST YOU GOT A DATE FOR THE

CHRISTMAS PARTY.

HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

[LAUGHTER]

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