John Henson - Screen Master

Lynch, Henson, Taylor Season 2, Ep 0213 05/20/1993 Views: 1,798

John is the master of screening phone calls. (1:18)

Nice to be back inmy own apartment.

Just got a new answeringmachine for my apartment.

I'm very excited about that.

You guys haveanswering machines?

AUDIENCE: Yeah.

-Do you screen your calls?

AUDIENCE: Yeah.

-Do you get reallyexcited when it's

somebody you didn'twant to talk to?

That's how pathetic my life is.

That is how-- I sitaround my apartment like,

[beeping]

Hi, John, this is Mr.Davis with MasterCard Visa.

Good screen, high five.

Good screen.

Good screen, yes!

Yes!

I am screen master!

No one will everget through to me.

Everybody lies when itcomes to the telephone.

You don't believe me?I prove it to you.

By round of applause,how many people

here ever pretend totake down a message

you're not really taking down?

You never do.

But you fake like you do.

It's like, hold on.

Let me get a pen.

OK, got one.

Be honest.

You ever seen a pen onthe other side of the room

and thought to yourself, nothat would mean getting up.

And uh, you're notthat important.

You'll call back.

Sometimes I actuallyfeel so guilty,

I pretend to write the numberdown in the air in front of me.

Hang up the phone, you'relike, where did I write that?

It was right out here.