Carlos Mencia - Superheroes

Season 1 , Ep 101 05/18/08 Views: 2,878

Carlos Mencia remembers a time when superheroes used to be super. (2:14)

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DESTROYING IT,

'CAUSE THERE'S NO TRUTH ANYMORE,

AND THEN WE BELITTLE THINGS,

LIKE REMEMBER WHENSUPERHEROES WERE THE BOMB?

I DO. I REMEMBER WAKIN' UPON SATURDAY MORNING,

AND THE JUSTICE LEAGUEOF AMERICA KICKED ASS,

AND THE LEGION OF DOOM LOSTEVERY WEEKEND. THAT WAS IT.

THEY DIDN'T CRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

LOOK AT OUR SUPERHEROES NOW.

OH, MY GOD. HAVE YOU SEENANY OF THE "SPIDER-MAN" MOVIES?

ANY OF THEM?THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

SPIDER-MAN'S LIKE...

"I DON'T KNOWIF I SHOULD BE SPIDER-MAN.

"IT'S REALLY HARDTO BE SPIDER-MAN.

"A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOWWHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SPIDER-MAN,

"'CAUSE IF THEY KNEW,THEN MAYBE THEY--

'CAUSE WITH POWER COMESRESPONSIBILITY, AND THEN--"

GO TAKE A POTTERY CLASS,SPIDER-BITCH. JESUS CHRIST!

STUPID-ASS WHITE SPIDER-MAN.

"I DON'T WISH THIS CURSEON ANYONE."

ARE YOU RETARDED?

YOU ARE A SUPERHERO.JESUS CHRIST.

I HOPE A LATINO COMES INAND BECOMES SPIDER-MAN,

BECAUSE HERE'S THE DEAL,

AND LOOK AT MEWHEN I TELL YOU THIS,

IF A LATINO GOT BIT BY A SPIDER,AND THE NEXT DAY,

HE WOKE UP ALL STRONGWITH THE ABILITY TO FLY AROUND,

HE WOULD CALLALL HIS FAMILY MEMBERS,

"EH, GO TO THE MUSEUM,AND FI--AND FIND A SPIDER

"AND MAKE IT BITE YOU,

AND THEN TOMORROW...(shouts indistinctly)

SPIDER-MAN...

"WHAT AM I GONNA USEMY POWERS FOR?"

THE CUBAN SPIDER-MAN

WOULD GO TO CUBA,AND THEN GO, "MAMI."

(makes whooshing sound)

(laughter)

"PAPI!"

(makes whooshing sound)

"I'M GONNA MAKEA BOAT FOR YOU..."

(makes spraying sound)

"WITH A SAIL."

(makes spraying sound)

(cheering)

SEE?

LOOK AT SUPERMAN.

THIS GUY...

"SUPERMAN RETURNS."

MOVIE SHOULD'VE BEEN CALLED"SUPERMAN RETURNS... GAY."

(laughter)

"I LOVE LOIS LANE,

BUT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

COME HERE. BEND HER OVERAND LAY SOME SUPERMAN PIPES,

FOR CHRISSAKES.

SHOW HER THE KRYPTONITE.SHOW HER THE KRYPTONITE!

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