Scott Kennedy - A Good Cop

  • Season 8, Ep 28
  • 06/10/2004
  • Views: 4,002

Without the drinking, Scott thinks he'd make a good cop on patrol. (2:09)

MY GRANDPA'S COOL.

HE'S BEEN A STATE LAW

ENFORCEMENT OFFICER FOR OVER

30 YEARS.

IS THAT NOT AMAZING?

AND A GOOD COP, TOO.

WHEN I TURNED 16, STARTED

DRIVING.

HE SAID, "SCOTT, DON'T EVER

DRINK AND DRIVE."

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S PROBABLY SOUND ADVICE

FOR ANY AGE.

BUT I WAS A SMART-ASS KID.

I WAS ALWAYS LIKE, "WELL, WHY?"

AND HE GOES, "'CAUSE STATE

COPS"-- AND HE SAID IN EVER

SINGLE STATE--

"GO TO LIKE, A TWO-WEEK CLINIC

EVERY YEAR, TO LEARN HOW TO

SPOT DRUNK DRIVERS MORE

EFFECTIVELY."

I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S KIND OF

COOL."

OF COURSE, I DO DRINK.

SO I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO Y'ALL

LOOK FOR?"

[LAUGHTER]

AND HE TOLD ME HE GOES,

"IF YOU'RE WEAVING."

AND I WAS LIKE "DO YOU THINK?"

"YEAH."

THAT WAS A TWO-WEEK CLINIC.

ALL RIGHT, PERFECT.

[LAUGHTER]

HE GOES, "IF YOU'RE DRIVING

TOO FAST, SMART-ASS.

HOW ABOUT THAT?"

I KNEW THAT.

I DIDN'T KNOW THIS, THOUGH.

HE SAID, "IF YOU'RE DRIVING

TOO SLOW,"

UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT, BIG SIGN.

SAID THE BIGGEST THING THOUGH

WAS LIKE, IF THREE OR MORE

ADULTS HAD THEIR HANDS OUT THE

WINDOW GOING LIKE THIS.

[WHIRRING SOUND]

[LAUGHTER]

"PROBABLE CAUSE."

YEAH.

TALK ABOUT COPS A LOT ON STAGE.

THE SIMPLE FACT IS I DO HAVE

A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THOSE MEN

AND WOMEN OF LAW ENFORCEMENT.

IN FACT, IF I DIDN'T-- YEAH.

OH, HELL, YEAH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU BET.

IF I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR A

LIVING, I WOULD PROBABLY BE IN

LAW ENFORCEMENT.

[SILENCE]

OH, YOU DIDN'T CLAP THERE.

THAT SCARED YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT ME,

MY BIG FAT ASS WITH A BEER AND A

GUN.

ALL RIGHT!

YEAH.

NO, WE NEED TO RETHINK THAT.

I THINK I'D BE A GOOD COP.

I'M A NICE GUY.

I DO DRINK, AND THAT WOULDN'T

BE A GOOD THING.

YOU KNOW I MIGHT DRINK ON

PATROL.

IN FACT, I'M PRETTY SURE.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

IT'S GOTTA BE BORING, SITTING

IN THAT CAR FOR LIKE, EIGHT

HOURS A DAY, YOU KNOW?

I'D HAVE A LITTLE COOLER WITH

SOME, LIKE, BEER AND TEQUILA,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'D SLAM IT ALL DOWN GO OUT ON

PATROL, MAKE STUPID "JUDGMENT

CALLS", YOU KNOW?

I'D BE LIKE--

[GUNSHOT]

"FREEZE!

[LAUGHTER]

OH, SH-- YOU CAN GO."

[LAUGHTER]

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