RETURN JULY 2014
we're shooting thisright next door
to the Seminole IndianHard Rock Casino,
and I've been staying therefor the last day and, uh,
I haven't seen a single Indian.
I haven't seen one Indian there.
And then you realize,the government grants
the American Indiangaming permits
as reparationsfor past wrongs.
Just seemed like a funny way tosay sorry to somebody, you know?
The government was like,"Hey, Indians, gather round.
"You know howwe raped and murdered
"and obliterated your culture?
"Do you guys like blackjack?
You gonna lovethis game, fellas."
Stop lying to me.Stop lying.
I was wa... I wasjust watching a special
on-on Christopher Columbus.
And I'm, like,after awhile, I'm like,
we're still celebratingColumbus-- what did Columbus do?
What did he do?
He discovered America?
How do you discover something
that already had seven millionIndians living there?
How is that a discovery?
That's like I take your drinkand you're like, "What the...?"
And I'm like, "Look at whatI just discovered, man."
It's not a discovery.
It's a discoveryfor white people,
but that doesn'tmake it a discovery.
Did the first black guywho banged a white chick
run back to the village like,"Fellas!
"You knowthey make this in white?
This is my discovery."
You see that?
Those are white!
I don't know, you know,
I was walking aroundthe casino earlier
and I saw, I saw...I saw people with kids.
See all these kids walkingthrough, I'm like...
Could people cool itwith the kids?
Not everybody has to have a kid.
Can't we havea screening process?
Just some sort ofbasic questionnaire.
You want to have a baby?Fill it out.
Do you have...Are you a complete screw-up?
No babies for you, man.
And then everybody's like,
they're like, "How do we definewho's a screw-up and who's not?"
Let's start here.
Are you in and out of prison
You are?No babies for you.
And by the way,if you take the Bible
or the Koran literally,word for word,
no babies for you either.
And you know who else?
If you think Red Lobster is alegitimately good restaurant...
I like it, too,but no babies for you.