All right, welcome back.
Now, you know, one thing, uh,I never addressed was, uh,
this time,a couple months ago, um,
I used a...culturally familiar term
with the Presidentof the United States.
You did it, my nigga.
Now, the reaction wasboth positive and negative.
Some people were for usingthat word, some were against.
Now, there are valid pointson both sides,
so we need to debate this,and since we're on cable,
the only way is to have peopletake polar-opposite positions
and argue over each other.
So, without further adieu,here's our final installment
of Pardon the Integration.
Please welcome Nightly Show contributors
Mike Yard and Rory Albanese.
(cheers and applause)
All right, gentlemen.
should people be ableto use the "N" word,
or is it so bad thatit should never be used again?
Okay, Mike will argueagainst the "N" word,
while Rory will be in favor...
Rory will be in favorof demeaning the black race.
No, not...not even remotely ready.
Look, black people were ownedfor hundreds of years.
Letting anyone use the "N" word
trivializes the horrorof slavery.
The "N" word isa brand of shame.
It's the original Boost Mobile.
Okay, Mike, Mike...
but, Mike, what aboutartistic license, okay?
How about when rappers arguethat using the "N" word
takes awayand demystifies its power?
You mean does Drake negate theenslavement of an entire race?
No, Rory, no.
Okay, look, it's one thingif people shout the "N" word
during a Trump rally--it's kind of the reason you go--
but this is 2016, okay?
Slavery happeneda long time ago.
If they put the "N" wordin songs,
is it wrong for peopleto sing songs?
You saying people can'tsing songs, Mike?!
Not if the "N" wordis a lyric in that song!
Okay? And when did we start
taking social advicefrom rappers?
I don't know, Mike.
Probably right around the time
that Sir Mix-A-Lot let us knowabout those big butts!
That is not fair, Rory.
Okay, who doesn't likebig butts?
-I didn't before that song!-(bell dings)
Okay!All right, gentleman.
That noise means it's timeto switch sides
and arguethe opposite perspective.
Because remember, guys,this is a mindless argument.
-Doesn't matter which sideyou're on. -Yeah, yeah.
One I'm probably going to loseat the end.
No, no, no.
Mike, no, man.
Trust me,that's not going to happen.
Look, stop arguingand just argue, okay?
Now, Rory will be againstusing the "N" word,
and Mike will be in favorof everyone using the most
derogatory term towards blackpeople in American history.
Look, the word itselfisn't the issue.
The issue is what comes directlybefore it.
Look, it's the differencebetween "I love you my nigga,"
and "Freeze!Get on the ground, nigga!"
-All right, look...-See?
But, Mike, at this point,the "N" word is so horrible,
it makes me uncomfortable, okay?
And it's not supposedto make me uncomfortable.
It's supposed to make you uncomfortable.
Oh, the white...the white guy's uncomfortable,
-so now it's gotta be illegal.-Yeah.
That sounds right.
Look, cops shootingunarmed black people
makes me uncomfortable.
When the (bleep)is that gonna be illegal?
-(cheers and applause)-Wh... Hold on.
Mike. Hold on.
You just put me in a veryawkward position,
and even thoughI'm talking loud,
I totally agree with you.
Those police shootingsare an atrocity!
I'm not gonna...
You know what? I'll be honest.
I wish there was a late-nightcomedy show on the air
that dealt with thingslike that.
-That'd be cool!-(cheers and applause)
That'd be very cool.
We should have one of those.
-That'd be good.-(audience cheering)
I might pitch that.
-Hey...-I might pitch that.
-I agree with you, that would bepretty effective, -It would.
-but that doesn't exist, Rory.-I guess not.
'Cause apparently,too much of that (bleep)
makes white peopleuncomfortable,
-just like the "N" word.-Exactly!
And that's why I'm saying no oneshould ever say ni...
-Whoa! Whoa! Hey!-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
-Rory, whoa!-Damn, Rory, what the...?
I can't believe that (bleep)just came out of your mouth.
-Yeah, what the (bleep), Rory?-No.
-Man. Where... wait.-No, I didn't even...
Where have you been hidingthat racist guy?
Hold on, okay?
I didn't even finish the word.
And Mike was just saying anyonecould use it.
No, no, no, no.You know what?
-I'm going to (bleep) you up.-What?
-(bell dings)-All right.
-No, wait, what?-(applause)
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.-Okay.
Well, it looks likewe have a winner.
The winner is Mike Yard,everybody.
-No! No!-What?! What?!
-That's not fair.-Oh, my God!
-And I tell you what...-I can't believe it.
Mike Yard is the winner
because I really want to see him(bleep) Rory up.
Wait, what? Why the (bleep)would you want that to happen?
-I want to thank my family.-Okay.
Hold on a minute.
This is not fair.
An injusticehas been done here.
Well, now you know how it feelsto be black, my brother.
-Welcome to my world.-(gasping): You know what?
Finally, The Nightly Show hastaught me a valuable lesson.
Aw, congratulations, guys.
Well, this has been our finalpointless episode
of Pardon the Integration.
Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody!
We'll with be right back.
Oh, no, don't...-(cheers and applause)