Greg Giraldo - Obesity Epidemic

  • Season 3 , Ep 10
  • 08/08/2000
  • Views: 18,793

Greg Giraldo can't believe the lengths Americans will go to keep eating. (3:06)

AND THIS IS EASIERTHAN EXERCISING.

WE ARE ALL GETTING FATAS A COUNTRY, MAN.

SOMETHING LIKE 70%OF AMERICAN ADULTS ARE OBESE,

AND THE REST OF THEMARE WOMEN ON ALLY McBEAL.

EVERYBODY IN THE COUNTRYIS FAT.

WE'RE LIKE THE FATTEST COUNTRYIN THE WORLD.

I READ RECENTLY AMERICA'S IN THEMIDDLE OF AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC.

AN EPIDEMIC--THAT'S KIND OF A LOFTY WAY

TO DESCRIBE BEING A NATIONOF FAT BASTARDS, ISN'T IT?

AN EPIDEMIC,

LIKE WE'LL BE TELLINGOUR GRANDKIDS ABOUT IT ONE DAY:

THE GREAT OBESITY EPIDEMICOF THE YEAR 2000.

"HOW'D YOU GET THROUGH IT,GRANDPA?"

"OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE, JOHNNY.

"THERE WAS CHEESECAKEAND PORK CHOPS EVERYWHERE.

THERE WERE MORE DOUGHNUTS THANYOU COULD SHAKE A STICK AT."

WE'RE ALL GETTING FAT.

NOBODY KNOWSWHY WE KEEP GETTING FATTER.

OUR DIET IS TERRIBLE;YOU DON'T BURN ANY CALORIES.

DID YOU EVER TRY TO GETONE CHEESEBURGER

AT A FAST FOOD PLACE?

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

LIKE, "MAN, CAN I GETONE CHEESEBURGER?"

"IF YOU HAVE 25 MORE CENTSYOU GET 40 OF THEM.

I'LL PAY FOR ITIF THAT'S THE PROBLEM."

ALL WE DO IS SNACKON GARBAGE ALL DAY LONG.

A FRIEND OF MINE TOLD ME

HE BOUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND EDIBLEUNDERWEAR FOR VALENTINE'S DAY.

EDIBLE UNDERWEAR--THAT'S A ROMANTIC TOUCH, HUH?

EDIBLE UNDERWEAR.

EVEN DURING SEX,WE CAN'T STOP EATING.

WHAT HAS TO BE GOING ON IN YOURLIFE TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF FOOD?

HOLY [bleep],MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

MARSHMALLOWS.

[laughter and applause]

WE ARE ALL GETTING FATTERBY THE SECOND.

THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY HAS TO GOON THESE STUPID DIETS.

YOU SEE, EVERY WEEK,THERE'S, LIKE, A NEW DIET--

THE CAVEMAN DIET, YOU KNOW:ALL FAT.

EAT JUST MEAT;EAT ALL THE MEAT YOU WANT.

AND YOU GET SKINNYJUST BY EATING MEAT.

THAT'LL WORK; EAT ALL THE MEAT--

ALL DAY LONG,JUST MEAT, MEAT, MEAT.

AND YOU'LL GET SKINNYLIKE A CAVEMAN.

THAT'S NOT GONNA WORKIN THE LONG RUN.

THE REASON CAVEMEN WERE SKINNY

IS BECAUSEBEFORE THEY ATE SOMETHING,

THEY HAD TO CHASE IT AROUND FORA WEEK AND KILL IT WITH A STICK.

I MEAN, YEAH,

IF YOU HAD TO TRACKA PINT OF HAAGEN-DAZS

ACROSS THE TUNDRA FOR FIVE DAYS

BEFORE YOU BEAT IT WITH ABOULDER, SURE, THAT WOULD WORK.

THEN YOU GOT TO EXERCISE;THAT'S, LIKE, A PAIN.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU JOIN A GYM,

YOU GOT TO, LIKE, GO A LOTFOR IT TO WORK.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU GOT TO KEEP GOING AND GOING.

I DON'T KNOWHOW THESE GAY GUYS DO IT.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

EVERY GAY GUY I KNOWIS BUILT LIKE A BODY BUILDER.

WHEN DID THAT START HAPPENING?

IT'S TOTALLY GOING TO CHANGETHE STEREOTYPE.

IT'S GONNA BE LIKE,"DO YOU THINK THAT GUY'S GAY?

IS HE A LITTLE--YOU KNOW, IS HE GAY?"

"OH, YEAH, HE BENCHES,LIKE, 450 POUNDS."

"WOW, THAT IS REALLY GAY--450?

THAT IS, LIKE, THE GAYEST GUYI'VE EVER HEARD OF."

PEOPLE WILL BEALL PROUD OF THEIR KIDS:

"LOOK AT THIS KID; HE'S GONNAGROW UP TO BE A LINEBACKER, MAN.

"HE'S BUILT LIKE A GAY GUY;LOOK AT HIM.

"LOOK AT THE SHOULDERSON THIS KID,

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