Jeff Dunham - Jeff's Divorce

Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos Season 1, Ep 1 09/25/2011 Views: 104,459

Walter wants to live vicariously through Jeff Dunham after hearing of his divorce. (2:19)

Alright, I heard youtalking about something

you hadn't really discussedonstage yet.


So you're talkingabout the divorce now.Yeah.

All those yearsof being married,

and now it's over.


So, all those yearsof raising the girls,

and now the family'sbroken up.


So, no more marriage?Nope.

No more wife.No.

What's it like?!

(loud, uncontrollable laughter)

Oh, please let me livevicariously through you!


Walter, divorce isnot a good thing.

Oh, you can't lieto me, (bleep).

So what happened?

What happened, Walter,is that, unfortunately,

in our country these days,

more than 50% of marriagesnow end in divorce,

and sadly, minewas on that sideof things.

(voice breaking):You know, Jeff, I never thought

I'd say this to you,but you're my hero!

Come on.What's it like

to wake up in the morningand not hate your life?

To not think,"Uh-oh, here she comes!"


You can leave your toiletseat up all the time!

I'd hot-glue mine open,for God's sakes...

and then (bleep)in the backyard.

Just because I could.

Walter, divorceis painful.

Oh, yeah, likea deep-tissue massage.


(sighs contentedly)

So how long's it been?

Almost three years now.

Oh, okay. So, youdating anybody now?

Matter of fact, I am.

Oh, good. Female?

Well, you never know.

Sometimes that's the problem.

"Honey, I got bad newsand I got good news.

"Bad news is,I want a divorce.

Good news is, I'mon your team now!"

(audience laughs)

Come on, let's knit, Mitch!