Anthony Jeselnik - Finding Porn

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 101 01/13/2013 Views: 26,558

The day Anthony Jeselnik found his father's porn was the best day of his life; the day he found his mother's porn was the worst. (2:22)

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was when my dadgave me the sex talk.

Oh, God.

The old man wasinto some really crazy [bleep]

[ Laughter ]

But then maybe the greatestmoment of my life ever --

I think this is, like,a universal things for guys --

I'm 12 years old,I'm sneaking around my house,

and I found my dad's pornin the back of the attic.

That was a great day.

That was a game changerfor me.

But thenthe worst day of my life

was the dayI found my mom's porn...

...in the backof that video store.

[ Laughter ]

I told that joke recentlyon "Conan" --

that's right, "Conan"...

[ Laughter ]

...and immediately afterwards,

my mom called meon the phone.

And she said,"Anthony, what the [bleep]

[ Laughter ]

Do you really have tomake up a joke

that makes me sound likeI work in pornography

and then say it on 'Conan'?

That's my least favorite jokethat you have."

And I just said, "Well, Mom,

that's only becauseyou haven't heard

the other jokesI tell about you

that they are not allowedto let me say on 'Conan.'"

-Per example...-[ Laughter ]

My mom is crazy.

People always like to joke,"Oh, my mom's crazy."

My mom is ca-razy.

Her entire houseis filled with nothing

but picturesof Princess Diana.

And they're allfrom right after the accident.

[ Laughter ]

And most of them she drew.

Like, it's really [bleep] up,you guys.