Speed Roasting - Let's Make a Deal - Uncensored

  • Season 2 , Ep 3
  • 01/22/2013
  • Views: 6,239

Jeff Ross speeds roasts an Armenian, a Mexican metal head and the worst undercover cop he's ever seen. (3:05)

Who wants to be speed-roasted?

Yeah?

Hands up.

Hands up.

Oh, this is irresistible.

Stand up, buddy.

Yeah.

How you doing?

-I'm pretty good.

-Come over here.

How's it going?

What's your name?

-Ricky.

-Do Iranians get off aplane when you get on?

BRIAN POSEHN: Jeff.

-What?

BRIAN POSEHN: He looks Armenian.

Are you in Systemof a Down Syndrome?

-I think you left your rideat the World Trade Center.

-Too harsh, James?

-Yeah, yeah.

Armenians never did anything.

(ARMENIAN ACCENT) Why do wewant these cheap cigarettes?

-If you had to fuck somebodyon our panel, would it be?

MARGARET CHO: Had to.

You could have a roofie.

You can't have a roofie.

-I'll take her.

-Oh, thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

-You said it like youwere on the "Let's Make

a Deal" or something.

All right, givethis guy some love.

-Behind curtain number--

-Did this lady have her hand up?

Are you OK?

You want to stand up?

What's your name, darling?

-Nancy.

-Nancy.

Oh my god.

How long you've been smoking?

No, you're very cute.

-Thank you So are you.

BRIAN POSEHN: She's a--

-Holy shit.

What's that?

BRIAN POSEHN: She'sa real person?

I thought that guywas just wearing

a Stevie Nicks backpack.

-Oh!

-Oh my god.

Russell Crowe if he punchedhimself in the face.

Say hi to ourroasters this week.

-Hi, Margaret.

Hi, James.

Can't remember you.

-Oh, man.

BRIAN POSEHN: Well, you looklike Zach Galifia-no-thank-you.

-Who you here with this time?

-Um, well, my mom and my dad.

-These two right here?

I thought they were twins.

How you doing, man?

Stand up.

Are you volunteering?

-Community service.

-Community service?

JAMES ADOMIAN: Is thathow you get your audience?

-Yep.

-Is that how youget your audience?

-That's exactly howhe gets his audience.

BRIAN POSEHN: Look.

Leave that dude alone.

He's one of my people.

If it wasn't for Mexican metalheads and nerdy fat guys,

I wouldn't own a house.

-What are you in MotleyLandscaping Crue?

How you doing, sir?

-Good.

How are you, sir?

-You are the worst undercovercop I've ever seen.

[chuckles]

-I'm an officer in the Navy.

-What's that?

-I'm an officer in the Navy.

-Oh my god.

I got to jerk off.

-I thought I lookedlike a pedophile.

Good lord.

-Yeah.

-He doesn't need a van.

Just uses his mustache.

-He's cute, no, Margaret?

-Well, I think he's cute.

I mean, he looks kindof like a lesbian.

Like he's gotten sort of amom jeans thing happening,

but it's super cute.

-Thanks to all our volunteers.

You're a great crowd.

All right.

Thank you, everybody.

One more time forMargaret, James, Brian.

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