Black President

  • Season 3 , Ep 9
  • 07/08/2007
  • Views: 190,550

Carlos speculates on what people fear about a black man being elected to Head of State. (3:03)

THAT WOULD NOTVOTE FOR A BLACK GUY

BECAUSE HE'S [BLEEP] BLACK,ARE YOU SERIOUS?

[Twang] "WELL, YOU KNOWTHEY'RE DIFFERENT, CARLOS,'C MON, MAN.

"IF A BLACK GUY WASVOTED INTO PRESIDENT,

"IMA 'FRAID BECAUSEWHEN HE GOT SWORN IN,

HE WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHANG."

...AND TO DEFENDTO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

THE CONSTITUTION OF THEUNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOUPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

[APPLAUSE]

IT'S ON NOW, BITCHES!OH SNAP!

WE GONNA CHANGESOME RULES UP IN HERE.

FIRST OF ALL, SLAVERY IS BACK.

SO GUESS WHAT WHITEY,YOU BETTA RUN! AND BY THE WAY,

TO ALL MY BROTHA'S AND SISTA'SINCARCERATED FOR SIMPLY HAVIN'

A LITTLE BIT OF WEED,PACK YO BAGS CUZ YOU OUT!

AND TONIGHT INAUGURAL BALLIS GONNA BE OFF THE CHAIN!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT,

CUZ WE STOCKED WITH CROWN ROYAL,HENNESSY AND NYAK.

BUT I'M TELLIN' Y'ALL RIGHT NOW;THIS IS A CASH BALL ONLY.

WE ARE NOT PAYIN' FOR Y'ALLBROKE ASSES, A'IGHT?

GOD BLESS AMERICA! OOH-OOH!

[APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY,94 PERCENT OF AMERICA

ARE JUST LIKE YOU,THEY LAUGH 'CAUSE

YOU GUYS THOUGHT THATWAS HYSTERICALLY RIDICULOUS.

AND THE OTHER 6 PERCENT SAW THATAND THEY WENT,

[Twang] "SEE, IT'S A DOCUMENTARYOF WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN

"IN THE FUTURE!YOU KNOW THESE BLACK PEOPLE

ARE GONNA TURN ALL GHETTODURING THE INAUGURAL BALL!"

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY

OF THE UNITED STATES.

[APPLAUSE]

AND NOW, THE FIRST DANCE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

OHH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

EVEN SADDER THAN THE BEANERS?

YOU KNOW THERE'S SOME BLACKUNCLE TOM'S OUT THERE EDUCATED

[Proper Voice] "WELL,THESE UNEDUCATED BLACK MEN,

YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA CHANGETHE WAY THE SENATE IS RUN."

YO! YO, YO! WHAT HAPPENED TO MYLEGALIZING CRAPS

ON THE SIDEWALK BILL, HUH?

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BILLTO PUT 50-CENT ON THE COURT?

YOU PUNK ASS BITCHES THOUGHTYOU COULD VOTE MY [BLEEP] DOWN?

WELL, GUESS WHAT?

WE GONNA HAVE A RECOUNT,BITCHES!

ANYBODY'S THAT GOTTA "NEIGH"RAISE YOUR HAND!

RAISE YOUR MOTHER-[BLEEP] HAND!

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!FROM NOW ON,

I ONLY WANNA HERE "YEA-YEA'S"WHEN IT COMES TO MY BILLS!

DOES ANYBODYGOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!

- NEIGH.- WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY?!

- YEA-YEA MOTHER-[BLEEP]!- YEA.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

Loading...