Bill Burr - Rednecks

  • Season 7 , Ep 2
  • 02/13/2003
  • Views: 29,828

Rednecks are frightening people -- but you have to utilize them. (3:10)

YOU GUYS LIKE GEORGE?

WELL, YES?NO?

I LIKE GEORGE.

YOU KNOW WHATI LIKE ABOUT GEORGE?

HE MAKES ME FEELLIKE I COULD BE PRESIDENT TOO.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

NO, HE DOES.

HE'S, LIKE, THE FIRST GUY,

LIKE, FROM MY READING LEVEL,YOU KNOW?

LIKE, THE FIRST GUY, LIKE,FROM MY MATH CLASS

TO FINALLY GO OUTAND DO SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVEABOUT GEORGE?

HE CAN'T SAY THE WORD "TERROR."

HE CAN'T.HE USES THE WORD--

EVERY SPEECH,HE CAN'T SAY TERROR.

HE GOES "TER."

THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS.

HE GOES, "AMERICAWILL NOT STAND FOR TER,

"ANYBODY WHO SUPPORTS TER.

"IF YOU'RE A TER'IST,

WE'RE GONNA GET YOU."

WHAT KIND OF PRESIDENT GOES,"WE'RE GONNA GET YOU"?

[laughter and applause]

HE'S LIKE SOME REDNECKTHEY DRAGGED OUT OF A BARBEQUE,

PUT HIM IN A SUIT.

JUST STANDING ON STAGE GOING,"WE'RE GONNA GET YOU."

HE SHOULD JUST BE UP THEREWITH A COUPLE OF BLOODHOUNDS

GOING,"GO GET 'EM, BLUE.

"SMELL THE SHIRT.GO GET 'EM.

DAMN,THAT BLUE'S A GOOD DOG."

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THINGI HAVE REALIZED THOUGH.

WHEN YOU GO TO WAR, MAN,THAT'S THE ONE TIME

WHEN YOU REALLY HAVE TO, LIKE,APPRECIATE REDNECKS THOUGH.

NO, YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE REDNECKS,THEY'RE, LIKE,

THE ONE GROUP OF PEOPLETHAT ACTUALLY WANT TO GO TO WAR.

EVERYBODY ELSETRIES TO GET OUT OF IT.

LIKE, RICH PEOPLENEVER GO TO WAR.

YOU ASK A COLLEGE KIDIF HE WANTS TO GO TO WAR.

HE SAYS LIKE, "UM, I'M TAKINGA SOCIOLOGY CLASS,

"AND I THINK WAR IS, LIKE,REALLY STUPID.

"MY ROOMMATE'S, LIKE,HALF AFGHANI,

SO THAT'S GONNA CAUSESOME STATIC."

[laughter]

YOU ASK A REDNECKIF HE WANTS TO GO TO WAR.

HE JUST LIKE,"HELL, YEAH!

"ABSOLUTELY.I'M READY RIGHT NOW.

"YOU JUST POINT THE DIRECTION,BUDDY.

I'M READY TO DO THIS."

NO,THEY'RE FRIGHTENING PEOPLE,

BUT YOU GOT TO UTILIZE 'EM.

SERIOUSLY, YOU WANTTO SCARE THE ENEMY, OKAY,

AND REDNECKSARE LIKE AMERICA'S PIT BULLS.

THEY SHOULD JUST SEDATETHOSE PEOPLE,

DROP 'EM OFF IN AFGHANISTAN.

JUST LET 'EM RUN WILD.

JUST BE LIKE,"DUDE, JUST GO DO EVERYTHING

"YOU EVER DREAMED OF DOING.

"JUST GO CRAZY.

"HAVE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDSPLAY THE BANJO.

IT'LL SCARETHE HELL OUT OF 'EM."

[laughter]

SERIOUSLY, YOU WOULDN'T WANTTO DRAFT A GUY LIKE ME.

I'M A COMEDIAN.

I'M USELESS.

I'M A COWARD.

I DON'T LIKE CONFRONTATIONS.

YOU DRAFT A REDNECK,NOT ONLY IS THAT DUDE A PSYCHO,

HE'LL ACTUALLY SAVE YOU MONEY.

THOSE GUYS SHOW UP TO THE ARMYLIKE, "HERE'S YOUR M16."

THEY'RE LIKE,"I ALREADY GOT ONE.

"I GOT SOME STUFF IN THE TRUNK

"YOU AIN'T EVER SEEN BEFORE,BUDDY.

"I WENT ON THE INTERNET,

"GOT ME SOMEOF THAT SURFACE-TO-AIR STUFF,

"TOOK IT OUT HUNTING,

"GOT ME A MOOSE AND A DUCKAT THE SAME TIME.

"I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THE DUCK.

"DUCK WAS OVER HER'.

"I'M AIMING AT THE MOOSE.

"DUCK'S OVER HER'.

"THAT'S MY PERIPHERALOVER HER'.

"AND THE SHOTWENT UP THE MOOSE'S ASS,

"AND THE SHRAPNELFROM HIS ANTLER HIT THE DUCK.

"DUCK CAME DOWN.

IT WAS THE BEST DAMN DUCKI EVER ATE."

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