The Internet lost its (bleep)last night
over some salacious new gossipgenerated by BuzzFeed
about President-ElectDonald Trump.
The explosive leakis unverified.
-(laughter)-Uh, we don't know if it's true.
Now I have to say,we were working
last night when this broke.
I didn't really get allthe details-- I'm really busy--
but I honestlydon't see what the big deal is.
Everybody loves The Golden Girls.
-What is the problem?-(laughter)
What's the big deal?
-(cheers and applause)-Yeah. Right?
And if they're peeing on you,even better.
(laughter and groaning)
At a press conferencethis morning, Trump confirmed
via catchphrase that his sonswill be running his companies.
I hope at the end of eightyears, I'll come back,
and I'll say,"Oh, you did a good job."
Otherwise, if they do a bad job,I'll say, "You're fired."
-(laughter)-I see he did the, uh...
It's the thing he saidon the thing.
He also promised reporters
his inauguration would be"very, very elegant."
Instead of popular A-listers
and artiststhat millions of people
would be interested in seeing,his planner said
he'll be surroundedwith "soft sensuality."
A "soft sensuality."
I don't know. Maybe likea nice, romantic dinner at home
with Mike Huckabeein a velvet robe.
-(laughter)-That's very soft.
Don't neglect the Huckabees.
Uh, comedians, with allthis craziness surrounding
our golden leader, how exactlyis Trump's inauguration
going to be elegant?Emily?
He's gonna swearon a solid gold bible
that encrustedin Swarovski crystals,
but it'll be the size of,you know, like,
-a cereal box you get at a dinerso that, uh... -(laughter)
...you know, so thathis little hand looks real big.
-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Yeah. Okay, points.
-(applause)-Points. Matt Kirshen.
Uh, it'll smelllike the finest asparagus.
-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Yes. Points.
-Ah. -Very good.HARDWICK: Yes. I'm so sorry.
It must of been hardfor you to start talking
from that thunderous roundof applause.
We've got a good four yearsahead of us.
I thinkthis large red button will
launch my fireworks display.