(audience cheers) - Let's roast!
- Joe looks like he would order soup at a sports bar.
- Alex is so ugly, whenhe goes to a glory hole,
the guy on the other side wants to just be friends.
(audience groans and applauds)
- Joe never buys lube, he still has a full bucket of his
parents' tears from when he came out as a gay comedian.
- Alex is an actor, he was on Nickelodeon playing a ninja
and in a silent movie playing the moon.
- [Man] Last joke.
- Wow Joe, I know homosexuality isn't a choice,
but standup is, and maybe you should stop.
Joe's head is so bighis mom had a C-section
and it still destroyed her pussy.
- The poor woman.
You know, I'd call Alex a douchebag,
but a douchebag can hold moisture.
- That's it, round one, first match,
Joe Dosch, Alex Hooper.
- They came out firing, and I think Alex did a great job.
- Thanks. (audience cheers)
- That's one for Alex.
- I'm onto presentation,and I gotta go with Joe.
Joe, I'll give you the round.
- Thank you. (audience cheers)
- One Alex, one Joe.
- You're a fucking weirdo and that's very
obvious just by looking at you, okay?
- Oh, I know.- I gotta go with Alex.
- Alex fucking never wins.
- Never. - No, I meant in life.
I'll say this, Alex, you really should be complimented
tonight, you should be proud,
'cause you really did beat one of the best, congratulations.
- Alex Hooper!
Hug each other.
- [Men] Battle, battle, battle.