Wayne Federman - Learner's Permit

Federman, Winstead, Richards Season 1, Ep 9 05/30/1994 Views: 1,243

Wayne's parents are the worst drivers in the world. (1:55)

that I have a verycool, comfortable shave.

I've been using anew razor, Epilady.

Has anyone tried it?

It gently removes the hair frombelow the surface of the skin.

I grew up in Florida.

It was tough growingup in Florida,

because all of my friendswere retired, you know, so.

I'd come home from school.

It's like, Wayne, howwas your day at school?


How's that, um, cataract thing?

Is that clearing up at all?

Can you see me?

My birthday partieswere terrible.

Every year we playedthat same game-- Pin

the Tail on ThatBastard Who Stole

my Business Out From Under Me.

That's my best joke, soit's just going to peak.

That was the peak,right there, of my act.

When I was 15 years old, Igot my learner's permit, which

meant that the state of Floridawas now obligating me to learn

to drive with thetwo worst drivers

in the world, my mom and my dad.

My mom would employ theclassic 10-and-2 technique

on the wheel-- butconstantly, permanently,

even during the turns.

You've seen them.

Then my dad wastoo hip to do that.

He felt like the less flesh onthe wheel, the cooler you were.

The one finger-- andif he had to turn,

it was that RalphMacchio wipe-on,

wipe-off techniquewith the lean.

It was very cool.

They never taughtme the-- excuse me.

I have to put this over here.

They never taught me thecoolest thing to know in a car,

to know how to operate-- thedimmer switch for the panel

dashboard instrument controls.

Most important thing in a car.

Why is that in there?

Is that for peoplewho just can't handle

the brightness ofthat odometer light?

It's like, whoa.

Whoa, I can relax.