outside of my bedroom window,uh, there's a tree.
And inside the treeis all the birds.
In the entire world.
All the birds in the world werelike, "Let's go to the tree!"
And they all came,and they're like,
"You want to wake him upall the time and yell?"
And they're like, "Yeah,that sounds so fun.
How fun, to ruinthis guy's life."
They chirp as loud as they can
at around 3:00 or 4:00in the morning.
I mean, at the topof their little lungs,
which I would love to pop,one by one.
Just-- pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
Just like bubble wrap,I want to go down the row.
Like-- pop, pop, pop,pop, pop, pop, pop.
But they yell.
And so here I amat 4:00 in the morning
Googling "How to killall the birds."
And Google's like,"I have no idea.
I don't know. You're crazy."
And I got in an Internetwormhole.
You know how you get in,like, a wormhole
and you're like, "Why... How amI on the Home Depot website?
"How did that...Did I just buy lawn furniture?
I don't have a lawn.How did I get here?"
Uh, but I saw this subcategoryand it said
in this part ofSouthern California
this particular bird,it's-it's high mating season.
And I was like,"Oh, that's right.
The bird callis their mating season."
We all know that.
You know, that makesperfect sense.
I can't believe I missed that.
But I thought,the nerve of this dude.
Like, the nerve of these guysthat I have to wake up
at 4:00 in the morningbecause they want to wake up
at 4:00 in the morning,to just go,
"Who wants some dick?!Who wants some dick?!
"Who wants some dick?!
"Dick! Dick! Dick!Dick! Dick! Dick!