[APPLAUSE]THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'M-- MA'AM?I'M-- WHERE YOU GOIN'?
BATHROOM?
- CAN YOU HOLD IT?- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I THINK I GOT,MAYBE, FIVE MORE MINUTES.CAN WE JUST HOLD IT OUT?
THANK YOU. APPRECIATE IT.GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
- THAT'S SO NICE OF HER.- [APPLAUSE AND WHISTLES]
I WAS AT STARBUCKS RECENTLYAND THERE WAS THIS GIRL
IN FRONT OF ME IN LINEWHO WAS INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING.
AND SHE TOOK HERPASTRY AND HER DRINK ANDTHEN SHE WALKED OUT OF
MY LIFE FOREVER.AND I WENT HOME TO MY ROOMMATEAND I SAID, "IT'S OVER WITH.
I'M NEVER GONNASEE THIS GIRL AGAIN."
AND HE SAID, "NICK,IT'S NOT OVER WITH YET,
YOU NEED TO GET ONTOCRAIGSLIST.ORG."
I SAID, "BUT I DON'T WANTTO BUY, SELL OR TRADE ANYTHING.
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MATTER.YOU NEED TO GET INTO
'MISSED CONNECTIONS.'IT'S ON THE WEB SITE."
AND SO I GO INTO THISSECTION AND PEOPLE ARE POSTINGTHESE MISSED CONNECTIONS.
LIKE, "HEY, I SAW YOU HERE.
"YOU WERE WEARING THIS.I WAS WEARING THIS.
"I HOPE YOU FIND THISRANDOM POSTING
- ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB, POST."- [LAUGHTER]
AND THEY JUSTLEAVE IT THERE FOR FATE.
AND THEY HOPE THATTHAT PERSON'S GONNA GO ONTOCRAIGSLIST.ORG THAT DAY
OR THE NEXT DAYOR WITHIN A WEEK, OR TWO WEEKS,
WHICH IS WHENTHEY'RE JUST GONNA DELETE IT.
AND THEY GOT TO PRAY THATTHEY'RE GONNA GO INTO THAT CITY
AND THEY'RE GONNA GOINTO MISSED CONNECTIONS.
AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA RECOGNIZETHE SUBJECT LINE ENOUGH
AND IT HASN'T BEEN BOGGED DOWNBY TOO MANY OTHER POSTINGS.
AND THEY'LL OPEN THE LINKAND THEN READ WHAT WAS WRITTENAND REMEMBER THAT SITUATION.
AND THEN RESPOND TO THEEMAIL ADDRESS THAT'S IN THERE.AND, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
JUST-- AH. PLEASE.
AND IT HAPPENS TO MEDAY IN AND DAY OUT.
AND I'D LIKE TO AH-- YOU KNOW,
I'D LIKE TO INVITEA FRIEND ONSTAGE RIGHT NOW.
HE'S A PROFESSIONALBACKGROUND SINGER.
PLEASE GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSEFOR PETER STEVENS.
- HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, PETER.
- YOU GOOD?- I'M GOOD.
ALL RIGHT. THIS IS CALLED"MISSED CONNECTIONS."
♪
"STARBUCKS, SATURDAY.
"YOU, BANANA NUT MUFFIN,TALL SOY LATTE.
I WAS THE GUYBEHIND YOU IN LINE
WITH THE RED SPANDEX AND THEBLACK GIRLS KICK ASS T-SHIRT.
IT'S A BLACK T-SHIRT THAT SAID,'GIRLS KICK ASS.'
IT'S A GENERAL STATEMENT.
WHEN YOU WALKED OUT OF STARBUCKSTHAT DAY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF
'I'M NEVER GONNA SEE THIS GIRL AGAIN.'
BUT THEN I GOT ON THE INTERNET.
DO I REMEMBERWHAT YOU WERE WEARING? NO.
DO I REMEMBER ANY FACTS THATMIGHT HELP YOU REMEMBER ME? NO.
BUT I HOPE YOU FIND THIS.AND IF YOU DO,
PLEASE EMAIL ME ATPLAYA5000@YAHOO."
♪ THAT'S A MISSED CONNECTION
♪ I MISSED YOUIN THE REAL WORLD ♪
♪ SO I CONNECT TO YOUVIA THE WEB ♪
AH, I JUST WALKED IN THIS--I THINK IT'S STICKY ON MY FACE!
IT'S SPIDERS IN MY HAIR!AH-- SPIDERS!"
♪ IT'S NOT A SPIDER WEBIT'S A WORLD WIDE WEB ♪
♪ OH
♪ IT'S NOT CONNECTEDBY BRANCHES ♪
♪ RIGHT
"BURBANK, CALIFORNIA.GROCERY STORE, SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
"YOU, BLACK GIRL, WHITE SHORTS.ME, WHITE GUY,
- "BABY BLUE FUBU SUIT.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
"LISTEN, SHORTY,I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
"I FOLLOWED YOU INTOTHE TOILET PAPER AISLE.
"GROSSED ME OUT.I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT STUFF.
"BUT I KEPT FOLLOWING.FOLLOWED YOU OVER TO THECOLD AND FLU SECTION.
- "ARE YOU OKAY?- [LAUGHTER]
"LISTEN, I WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN.SO IF YOU GET THIS,
"PLAYA5000@YAHOO.COM.
♪ THAT'S A MISSED CONNECTION
♪ I MISSED YOUIN THE REAL WORLD ♪
♪ SO I CONNECT TO YOUVIA THE WEB ♪
♪ WAIT A MINUTE, NICK,I'M NOT SEEING THIS WEB THING ♪
♪ YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
♪ I CAN'T SEE IT ANYWHEREI CAN'T SEE IT ANYWHERE ♪
♪ CAN YOU SEE THE WIND?CAN YOU SEE THE WIND? ♪
♪ BUT IS IT STILL THERE?
♪ IS THE WIND STILL BLOWINGIN YOUR HAIR? ♪
♪ I CAN SEE THE WINDI CAN SEE THE WIND ♪
♪ I BELIEVE IN WIND
♪ THEN YOU BELIEVE IN THE WEB
♪ THEN YOU BELIEVE IN THE WEB
♪ I BELIEVE
♪ RIGHT NOWYOU'RE BREATHING IN THE WEB ♪
♪ AH!
♪ YOU'RE BREATHING IN THE WEB
♪ I BELIEVE
"HUDSON THEATRE,
"COMEDY CENTRAL PRESENTS TAPING NICK THUNE'S SHOW.
"I WAS THE GIRL THATTRIED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
[LAUGHTER, CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]
"YOU WERE THE BATHROOM.I MISS YOU SO BAD RIGHT NOW.
"I WANT TO GET INSIDE YOURIGHT NOW.
"I WANTED TO GET TO YOU BEFOREEVERYBODY ELSE GOT OUT THERE
"AND ALL THESE GIRLSI DON'T EVEN KNOW
"ARE JUST IN THEREPEEING IN YOU.
"I WANTED TOGET IN THERE ALONE.
"I'M GONNA BE HONEST,I WAS JUST GONNA GO NUMBER ONE.
"WHILE I WAS SITTING THERE,I DON'T KNOW,
"MAYBE KILL TWO BIRDSWITH ONE STONE.
[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]
♪ THAT'S A MISSED CONNECTION
THANK YOU GUYS VERY, VERY MUCH.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.