Gabriel Iglesias - Felipe

  • Season 7 , Ep 1
  • 02/06/2003
  • Views: 157,357

GOING GREAT, MAN.

YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH

FUN I HAVE DOING THIS.

I MEAN, IT IS SO GREAT.

I GET TO TRAVEL.

BUT THE COOL PART ABOUT

TRAVELING IS ALL MY FRIENDS WHO

TRAVEL WITH ME ARE COMEDIANS.

AND I HAVE THIS ONE FRIEND

WHO'S A COMIC, RIGHT?

HIS NAME IS FELIPE.

THIS GUY IS NUTS.

THIS GUY IS ONE OF THOSE

COMEDIANS WHO TAKES IT TOO FAR.

HE LIKES TO PLAY PRACTICAL

JOKES.

AND EVERY TIME HE DOES SOMETHING

TO ME, AND SOMETHING GOES WRONG,

HIS RESPONSE IS, "HEY, FOOL,

BUT IT WAS FUNNY, HUH?"

"DUDE, I GOT ARRESTED."

"I KNOW.

BUT IT WAS FUNNY, HUH?"

(LAUGHTER)

HE SUCKS, MAN.

I GOTTA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE DOING THIS SHOW IN

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.

AND WE'RE DRIVING BACK TO L.A.

WELL, IN BETWEEN IN SAN DIEGO

AND L.A., THEY HAD THIS

CHECKPOINT IN A CITY CALLED

SAN CLEMENTE, RIGHT?

THIS CHECKPOINT IS DESIGNED

TO PREVENT ILLEGAL ALIENS FROM

MAKING IT ALL THE WAY TO L.A.

YOU SEE HOW WELL THAT WORKS.

BUT ANYWAY...

IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL CHECKPOINT.

THEY DON'T EVEN STOP THE CAR.

THEY JUST KIND OF LIKE, RACIALLY

PROFILE YOU AND WAVE YOU BY.

I SWEAR THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.

(SOUND OF CAR DRIVING BY)

(ANOTHER CAR DRIVING BY)

BUT THE SECOND THEY SEE

TWO OR MORE LATINOS IN THE CAR,

THE WHOLE STORY CHANGES.

I SWEAR IT DOES.

(SOUND OF CAR DRIVING BY)

(TIRES SCREECHING TO A HALT)

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

"ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW."

"WHAT?"

"BAJA LA VENTAN."

(LAUGHTER)

"ALRIGHT, LOOK HERE, LIVIN'

LA VIDA LOCA.

WHAT'S YOUR CITIZENSHIP?"

I'M IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, RIGHT?

I'M ALL FREAKING OUT.

I'M LIKE, "OFFICER, I'M AN

AMERICAN CITIZEN.

SO IS MY FRIEND FELIPE."

AND THEN I LOOK AT FELIPE.

"ALRIGHT, FELIPE, DON'T MESS

AROUND.

DON'T BE CRACKING NO JOKES

RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE A WARRANT.

DON'T PLAY, DUDE, DON'T PLAY."

"FOOL, I'M NOT GONNA--"

"SHUT UP."

SO, THEN THE OFFICER LOOKS

AT HIM, RIGHT?

AMIGO, WHAT'S YOUR

CITIZENSHIP?"

AND HE LOOKS AT HIM, RIGHT?

"HEY, OFFICER.

I'M AMERICAN CITIZEN, FOOL."

THEN HE DOES THIS.

"HEY, HOLD ON.

HEY, YOU GUYS IN THE TRUNK,

KEEP IT DOWN."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AH, THE NEXT THING I KNOW,

WE'RE OUTSIDE ON THE GROUND.

"DUDE, YOU'RE AN ASS, BRO."

"I KNOW, BUT IT WAS FUNNY, HUH?"

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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