Matt Fulchiron - Hotel Porn

  • Season 15 , Ep 11
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 12,392

Matt Fulchiron can't wait to go back to his hotel and watch porn on Comedy Central's dime. (2:02)

to my hotel room

and watch pornographyon Comedy Central's dime.

That's my favoritething to do.

Per diem?

Per jerk 'em.

Ha-Ha!

Dirty movies onpay per view at a hotel

are advertisedwith the slogan,

"Spice up your stay."

Do they spice upyour stay?

A little bit.

Do they spice upyour check out?

A lot.

Whenever you order thesethings it's like,

"Titles do not appearon statement."

And that's true, titlesdo not appear on statement.

But you know what does appearwhen I'm checking out?

Guilt and shame...all over my face.

There's no titleson the bill

but the girl behindthe counter knows

I'm not layingdown $24.99

to watch"Jack Ass Two."

Maybe, "Ass Jack Two"but not, "Jack Ass Two."

[audience laughing]

I didn't wanna bea comedian growing up.

But it's like where elsecan you make $35

in one night?

Do you know what I mean?

[applause]

I-I gotta do this!

How else am I gonna knock outmy monthly chewing gum bill?

I like quitting jobs,it's fun.

You know,don't just walk out

I always put inmy two weeks notice.

I always go in the office belike, "Yo, I'm putting in

"my two weeks notice.

"Why don't ya'll noticehow I don't do [deleted]

"for the next two weeks."

[cheers and applause]

Keep track of that'cause you bitches

gonna be payingfor that.

Starting now.

I'm college educatedand that's obvious

just by the way I speak,by the way I carry myself.

I messed up so bad.

I got a visual arts degree.

Which, a visual artsdegree will get you

about as much workin the real world

as like, I don't knowa felony conviction.

[audience laughing]

My diploma had couponsat the bottom of it.

Had coupons...at the bottom of it.

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