John Oliver - Creative Thinking

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 02/12/2010
  • Views: 32,658

John Oliver describes the greatest thing he's ever seen on the subway in New York City. (4:05)

IN NEW YORK

HAPPENED ON THE SUBWAY.

I WAS STANDING IN THE MIDDLEOF THE SUBWAY,

THE MIDDLE OF THE CARRIAGE,YOU KNOW, RIGHT WHERE

THE ELECTRONIC DOORSCOME TOGETHER.

AND THAT BLEEPING SOUNDSTARTED.

YOU KNOW, INDICATING TO PEOPLETHAT THE DOORS

ARE ABOUT TO SHUT,

AND THAT THEY SHOULD THEREFORERUN FASTER

IF THEY WANT TO CATCHTHIS TRAIN.

AND THIS ONE BUSINESSMANCAME FLYING DOWN THE STAIRS,

HE WAS MOVING SO FAST

HE ACTUALLY HAD TO BANGAGAINST A COLUMN

TO CHANGE DIRECTIONIN TIME.

(laughter)

AND AS HE RAN TOWARDS ME,

THE DOORS STARTED SLOWLYCOMING TOGETHER.

IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE WORLDWENT INTO SLOW MOTION.

OUR EYES MET.

AND I COULD SEE HIMTHINK--

HE WAS CARRYING LIKEA BRIEFCASE IN ONE HAND

AND A SUITCASE IN THE OTHER,AND I COULD SEE HIM THINKING,

WELL, I CAN'T DOWHAT I'D NORMALLY DO

WHICH IS STICK OUT MY HANDAND STOP THESE DOORS,

AS I'VE GOT THESE BAGS.

AND, YET, I STILL SEEMTO BE MOVING,

AT PACE,TOWARDS THE SIDE OF THIS TRAIN.

(laughter)

WHAT TO DO?

THINK, KENNY, THINK.

BRAINSTORM, YOU'RE GOODAT THIS IN THE OFFICE.

THERE'S NO RIGHT ANSWER HERE.

JUST SOME BLUE SKY CREATIVETHINKING IS WHAT'S NEEDED HERE.

AND HE DID SOMETHING WHICH HEWILL ONLY EVER TRULY UNDERSTAND.

(laughter)

BECAUSE WHAT THAT WAS WAS THATHE JUST STUCK OUT HIS HEAD...

(laughter)

AND THE DOORS CLOSED ONHIS NECK.

NOW, HE WASN'T HURT.

BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS--

IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO SLOWLYTHE FIRST TIME,

AND IF IT MEETS ANY RESISTANCE,IT'S SUPPOSED TO RELEASE

AND THEN HAMMER BACKA SECOND TIME.

BUT THIS HAD CLEARLY HAPPENEDONE TOO MANY TIMES

TO THIS DRIVER'CAUSE HE JUST LEFT HIM THERE.

THIS MAN WAS LEFT WITH HIS HEADIN THE TRAIN.

AND HIS BODY AND BAGSFLAPPING AROUND OUTSIDE

ON THE PLATFORM.

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONEDE-AGE SO FAST IN YOUR LIFE.

HE WAS CLEARLYA SUCCESSFUL MAN.

YET, IN THAT MOMENT, HE JUSTLOOKED LIKE A NAUGHTY BOY

WITH HIS HEAD STUCK BETWEENSOME RAILINGS

WAITING FOR A FIREMANTO CUT HIM LOOSE.

AND, YET, HE STILL HADTHE INHERENT,

HEROIC SELF-CONFIDENCEFROM WHO KNOWS WHERE

TO--WHEN SOMEONE TUTTEDAT HIM IN THE TRAIN,

HE LOOKED UP AND WENT,"WHAT?"

(laughter)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,"WHAT?"

WHY DON'T YOU HAZARDA GUESS.

YOUR HEAD IS STUCKIN THE DOORS.

YOU ARE WEARING THIS ENTIRETRAIN AS A MAKESHIFT HAT.

(laughter)

YOU ARE...YOU CANNOT CARRY THIS LOOK OFF.

AND THEN THE STATIC SOUND

STARTED COMING OVERTHE LOUDSPEAKER.

YOU KNOW WHERE--YOU KNOWTHE DRIVER IS ABOUT TO SPEAK

TO THE REST OF THE TRAIN.

AND THIS DRIVERWAS MID-LAUGH...

(laughter)

HE WAS ON THE PHONETO A FRIEND OF HIS UPSTAIRS

BASICALLY SAYING,

"YOU HAVE GOT TO COMEAND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

THIS IS THE BEST FIVE MINUTESYOU EVER TAKE OUT OF YOUR DAY."

AND THEN THEY FINISHTHEIR CONVERSATION,

AND THE STATIC SOUNDWAS STILL THERE,

AND IT BECAME CLEAR.

HE WAS GONNA SPEAKTO ALL OF US ON THE TRAIN.

AND I HAVE NEVER FELT SUCHA SENSE OF EXCITED COMMUNITY

WITH STRANGERSAS WE EXPERIENCED TOGETHER.

ALL LOOKING AT EACH OTHERAND SAYING,

"WHAT'S HE GONNA SAY?

"WHAT'S HE GONNA SAY?

THIS COULD BE...INCREDIBLE."

AND HE CLEARED HIS THROAT,THE DRIVER,

AND I PROMISE YOUTHIS IS TRUE,

HE SAID THIS,HE SAID--(clears throat)

"WELL, WELL, WELL!

(laughter)

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE JUSTCAUGHT US A DOUCHEBAG."

(laughter)

WELL PLAYED.

WELL PLAYED, DRIVER.

WELL PLAYED.

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