Kirk Fox - Cars

  • Season 12 , Ep 19
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 19,726

I saw a car today that runs on wheat, barely and hops. That's beer. (2:48)

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENEDWITH ME AND A VALET

THE OTHER NIGHTOUT IN LOS ANGELES.

VALET WANTED 20 BUCKS.

I'M LIKE,"WHAT'D YOU DO, CHANGE THE OIL?

DID YOU ROTATE THE TIRES?"

HE'S LIKE, "20 BUCKS."

I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?KEEP THE CAR.

JUST LET ME GET SOME STUFFOUT OF THE TRUNK.

I WANT MY HACKY SACK,SOME STUFF FROM NEW YORK."

HE'S LIKE, "IT'S A HYBRID.IT'S A NICE CAR."

I'M LIKE, "IT'S BIODEGRADABLE.IT'LL BE GONE IN SIX MONTHS.

FORGET IT."

HE WAS FINALLY LIKE, "JUST GO."

I'M LIKE, "TIP ME, AND I'LL GO."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I SAW A CAR TODAY -- ACTUALLYRUNS ON WHEAT, BARLEY, AND HOPS.

THAT'S BEER.

DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR CARDRIVING AROUND DRUNK?

I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE STAYINGIN A LANE IF I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

NOW I GOT TO WORRY ABOUT MY CAR?

"YOU'RE DRIFTING."

"NO, YOU'RE DRIFTING."

"I DIDN'T TYPE THAT IN."

"SHUT UP.GET ME A BEER."

"WHOA,YOU'RE AN AGGRESSIVE CAR."

COP PULLS YOU OVER --"YOU BEEN DRINKING?"

"NO.BUT MY CAR'S [BLEEP] UP."

"STEP OUT OF THE CAR."

"WHY? I'M FINE.HAVE HIM PULL AWAY FROM ME.

HE'S THE ONETHAT'S BEEN DRINKING."

COP IMPOUNDS THE CAR -- "YOU CANPICK IT UP IN THE MORNING."

"HOW AM I GONNA GET THERE?HE'S MY RIDE."

NEXT MORNING,YOUR CAR'S ALL QUIET,

DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

"JUST DRIVE.JUST PUT THE TOP DOWN.

I WANT SOME FRESH AIR."

"YOU'RE NOT A CONVERTIBLE.WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?

TELL ME."

I ACTUALLY HAVE A HYBRID --HALF GAS, HALF ELECTRIC.

Woman: WHOO!

NICE!HERE'S THE QUESTION --

WHAT GOOD IS 48.9 MILES PERGALLON IF, WHEN YOU GET THERE,

ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONE?

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S THE SLOWEST VEHICLEIN THE WORLD.

SEAT-BELT LAW DOESN'T EVEN APPLYTO THIS CAR.

IT'S SAFER IF YOU GET THROWN OUTIN AN ACCIDENT.

THERE'S NO AIRBAGS.

COUPLE BODY BAGSPOP OUT OF THE GLOVE BOX.

YOU JUST ZIP YOUR [BLEEP] UP,MAN.

[BLEEP] GOING.

KNOW WHAT IT SAYS ON MY MIRROR?

"OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE ABOUT TORUN YOUR ASS OVER."

[ LAUGHTER ]

WAS GOING UP A STEEP HILLIN LOS ANGELES THE OTHER DAY.

I HEARD "HONK, HONK, HONK."

I LOOK BEHIND ME -- THERE WAS ASEMI WITH A HOUSE ON THE BACK.

A HOUSE WAS FASTER THAN MY CAR.

AND I START THINKING,

HOW LAZY OF A PACKERDO YOU HAVE TO BE TO SAY,

"SCREW IT, HONEY.LET'S JUST TAKE THE HOUSE?

"DON'T WANT TO WRAP UP ANY MOREDISHES OR BOOKS OR DRESSES.

"LET'S JUST TAKE THE SAME PLACEWE'VE LIVED IN FOR 12 YEARS

AND MOVE IT ACROSS THE STREET."

THIS HOUSE RAN ME OFF THE ROAD.

WROTE DOWN THE ADDRESS.

STREET KEPT CHANGING,BUT I WILL FIND THIS HOUSE.

I WILL DOSOME TERRIBLE THINGS TO IT.

WATCH THE NEWS.YOU'LL SEE.

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