Bill Burr - Technological Idiocy

  • Season 7 , Ep 2
  • 02/13/2003
  • Views: 22,082

Bill Burr really enjoys spell check. (1:48)

THAT'S, LIKE, ONE OFTHE BIGGEST THINGS IN MY LIFE.

I'M REALLY TRYING TO GET, LIKE,MORE IN, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

INTO THIS WHOLETECHNOLOGY THING.

I'M AWFUL WITH COMPUTERS.

I'M ONE OF THOSE GUYS,BASICALLY EVERY BUTTON I HIT

ON MY COMPUTER, MY COMPUTERHAS TO, LIKE, SHUT DOWN,

LIKE, REGROUP,

SOMEHOW, LIKE,DEAL WITH MY IDIOCY,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEN THERE'S ALWAYS, LIKE,SOME 8-YEAR-OLD I SEE LATER

ON A LAPTOP LIKE...[scoffs]

[chittering]

HE'S, LIKE,BREAKING INTO THE PENTAGON,

DOWNLOADING MOVIESTHAT HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN MADE YET.

"I JUST GOT A PLANE TICKETFOR 6 BUCKS."

YOU JUST WANT TO SLAM HIS HEADIN THE THING.

I'LL TELL YOU THE ONLY THINGI LIKE ABOUT MY COMPUTER IS,

I REALLY ENJOY SPELL CHECK.

NO, I LOVE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVEABOUT SPELL CHECK?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CLOSETO GETTING THE WORD RIGHT.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT?

ALL YOU GOT TO DOIS JUST GET IT, LIKE,

SOMEWHERE, LIKE,IN THE BALLPARK OF THE WORD.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR COMPUTERCAN JUST START GUESSING

LIKE, "AH, [bleep],I DON'T KNOW.

'DINOSAUR'?"

YOU KNOW, AND YOU'RESITTING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT,

LIKE, "NAH.

I WASN'T TRYINGTO SPELL 'DINOSAUR.'"

SO THENWHAT DOES YOUR COMPUTER DO?

IT STARTS THROWING OUT,LIKE, EVERY "D" WORD

IT CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF.

LIKE, "OKAY,HOW ABOUT 'DICTIONARY'?

"'DIARRHEA'?

"ANY OF THIS STUFFLOOKING FAMILIAR?

ARE WE MOVING TOWARDS THE GOALOR AWAY FROM IT?"

YOU EVER SPELL A WORDSO BAD THOUGH,

YOUR SPELL CHECKHAS ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE

WHAT THE HELLYOU'RE TRYING TO SPELL?

WHAT DO YOU END UP GETTING?

YOU END UP GETTING, LIKE,A QUESTION MARK.

YOU GOT A MILLION DOLLARSWORTH OF TECHNOLOGY

JUST LOOKING BACK AT YOULIKE,

JUST LIKE,"YOU GOT ME, BUDDY,

"WHICH IS PRETTY AMAZING

"'CAUSE I HAVE ALL THE WORDS.

"YEAH, AND THATDOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANY OF 'EM.

"I CAN'T EVEN MAKE A GUESSTHAT'S SO SCREWED UP.

"WHAT, YOU'D, LIKE, PASS OUT,

"WHACK YOUR HEADOFF THE KEYBOARD?

PLEASE TELL MEYOU'RE NOT THAT STUPID."

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT FOR ME.

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