Arj Barker - American Pride

  • Season 10 , Ep 13
  • 03/30/2006
  • Views: 19,369

The 4th of July is more popular in America than in any other country in the world. (2:09)

IT'S A GOOD AUDIENCE.

I THINK WE GOT A LOT OFAMERICANS HERE, HUH?

I'M AMERICAN. I MEAN,I LIKE BEING AN AMERICAN

BECAUSE SAY WHAT YOU WANT WE GOT THE BEST MILITARY

IN THE WHOLE WORLD. AND NOBODY CAN EVER LEARN OUR MILITARY SECRETS,

UNLESS, YOU KNOW, THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

THEN IT'S PRETTY EASY.

YOU JUST TUNE IN FOR A FEW MINUTES.

"IN CONCLUSION, THE ONLY WAY TO DESTROY THIS TANK

"IS TO CUT THIS WIRE RIGHT HERE

- [LAUGHTER] - AND PLACE EXPLOSIVES THERE.

"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE THINGS

- CIVILIANS SHOULDN'T KNOW." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AMERICANS LOVE 4th OF JULY, TOO.I MEAN, THAT'S OUR DAY.

I READ THIS ON THE INTERNET--

DID YOU KNOW 4th OF JULY IS MORE POPULAR IN THIS COUNTRY

THAN AN IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

NO, IT'S TRUE, 'CAUSE THAT'S OUR DAY.

THAT'S THE DAYYOU CAN WAKE UP AND SAY,"YES, IT'S 4th OF JULY.

"AND I LOVE MY COUNTRY. AND BECAUSE I LOVE MY COUNTRY

"I'M GONNA SHOOT EXPLOSIVE ROCKETS

"OUT OF AN EMPTY HEINEKEN BOTTLEIN MY BACKYARD

"DURING WHAT IS ARGUABLY THE DRIEST WEEK OF THE YEAR.

"BECAUSE I LOVE MY COUNTRY.

"AND SOMETIMES IN ORDERTO PROVE THAT YOU LOVE SOMETHING

"YOU'VE GOT TO BURN THAT SON OF A BITCH DOWN!

"AND THESE ROCKETS WILL HAVE A LONG EXPLOSION

"AT THE END OF THEIR TRAJECTORY

"WHICH WILL TERRIFY MY NEIGHBOR'S PETS

"CAUSING MANY OF THEM TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME.

"BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MOST DOMESTICATED ANIMALS

"AREN'T INDIGENOUS TO THIS COUNTRY.

"SO, GUESS WHAT, CAT? YOU CAN BEAT IT.

"GO BACK TO CATALINA ISLAND OR CATALONIA SPAIN OR KATMANDU

"OR WHEREVER THE HELL YOUR HAIRY ASS IS FROM

"'CAUSE THIS IS AMERICA.

AND AROUND HERE CATMAN DON'T."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

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