Sandra Bernhard - Men in Uniform

Jack Mayberry & Steve Oedekerk Season 1, Ep 42 02/24/1992 Views: 848

The cops in Los Angeles are cruel. (2:02)

"SO YOU SAY YOU WANTTO BUY A MERCEDES

"BUT YOU DON'T WANTTO PUT OUT THE CASH?

WIN, WIN, LEASE."

( laughter )

YOU KNOW THAT'S SALLY KELLERMANWHO DOES THAT AD?

ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT--THAT SALLY KELLERMAN

DOES OVER 90%OF ALL VOICE-OVERS IN AMERICA?

AND THEY'RE ALL BRILLIANTAND SCARY.

IT'S LIKE A MANTRA TO ME.

"WIN, WIN, LEASE."

SO YOU KNOW... THE WHOLEPOLICEMAN SITUATION IN L.A.

ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT THEREWAS A COP UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW

IN THE SANTA MONICA POLICE FORCEWHO'S VERY CUTE, SO...

I EXCLUDE HIMFROM THIS CONVERSATION.

AND HE WAS NICE AND WARMAND SO WAS HIS GUN.

( laughter and hooting )

NO, BUT YOU KNOW, THE COPS ARESO CRUEL IN L.A.

AS WE ALL KNOW.

THEY BEAT PEOPLE, THEY HURTPEOPLE, THEY ABUSE PEOPLE

AND OF COURSETHEY'RE VERY HOMOPHOBIC.

THEY HATE FAGS

OF COURSE BECAUSEMOST OF THEM ARE

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,FAGS LOVE A GOOD UNIFORM.

BUT YOU KNOW,LET'S GET OFF OF THE COPS' BACK

AND LET'S GETINTO SOMETHING POSITIVE

AND SOMETHINGWE NEVER TALK ABOUT.

Man:THAT ARROW.

NO, LET ME COMPLETEMY STATEMENT...

YOU LITTLE PUTZ.

NO, I WANT TO TALKABOUT THE FIREMEN IN THIS TOWN.

I THINK THEY ARE SO SEXY.

( applause and cheering )

THEY REALLY ARE.

NO...

I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN GUYSCRUISE AND COME ON TO ME

AND ARE FLIRTING IN THATREALLY GROSS WAY THAT MEN DO

BUT WHEN THEY PULL UPIN THEIR TRUCK

THEY'RE ALWAYSSO POLITE AND SWEET

AND THEY ALL HAVE MUSTACHESAND THEY'RE ALL BUFF.

NO, THEY'RE NOT ALL MARRIED.

AND THEY JUST CAME FROM A FIRE

AND THEY'RE ALL SAD AND FORLORN

AND THEY KIND OF WINK AT YOUAND SMILE.

AND THEY'RE GREAT COOKS.

I THINK THEY'RE INCREDIBLE.

IF I COULD GET INVOLVED WITHANYBODY, IT'D BE A FIREMAN.

I JUST THINK THEY'RE HOT--NO PUN INTENDED.