Deon Cole - Dating Guidelines

  • Season 11 , Ep 14
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 7,136

When dating, make sure you know if whether you're getting involved with a man or a woman. (2:44)

TRY TO HIT ON ME.I TRIED TO CURSE HIM OUT

BUT IT SEEMED LIKE I KEPT GIVIN' HIM COMPLIMENTS.

I WENT UP THE COUNTER HE WAS LIKE "CAN I HELP YOU?"

I'M LIKE, "YEAH, LET ME GET A CHEESEBURGER."

HE LIKE-- "WHAT YOU WANT ON YOUR CHEESEBURGER?"

"CHEESE. I WANT CHEESE ON MY CHEESEBURGER."

HE LIKE "WHAT ELSE?" I'M LIKE, "LOOK,

YOU GOTTA QUIT PLAYIN' WITH ME, MAN."

HE LIKE, "OR WHAT?" I'M LIKE, "OR I'LL BUST YOUR ASS.

I MEAN-- NAW, NAW, NO, I'M NOT-- UM...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE."

WOMEN, IF YOU LIVE IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD,

LET SOMEBODY KNOW YOU LIVE IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.

HAVE SOMEBODY DROP YOU OFF BEFORE THE GET THEY CAR

SHOT ALL UP MESSIN' AROUND WITH YOU

AND YOUR MESSY ASSNEIGHBORHOOD. ALL RIGHT?

WENT OUT WITH THIS GIRL ONE TIME.

SHE TOOK ME TO THISMEXICAN FOOD RESTAURANTTHAT WAS BLACK OWNED.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.

I'M LIKE, "LOOK,JUST WRAP MY FOOD UP, ALL RIGHT?

"LOOK SWEETHEART, I GOT ONE MORE JOINT. WE COULD SMOKE THIS.

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME.NOW WHERE YOU LIVE AT."

SHE LIKE, "KEEP STRAIGHT. MAKE A RIGHT."

I PULL UP IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE.

I'M LOOKIN' AROUND LIKE, "AH, YOU LIVE IN THE PROJECTS, HUH?

"NAW, NAW, IT AIN'T NO PROBLEM

"WITH YOU LIVIN' IN THE PROJECTS AND STUFF, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

"IT'S JUST THE FACT THAT, YOU KNOW, THESE PEOPLE KEEP

"WALKIN' AROUND MY CAR AND STUFF, YOU KNOW?

"AND I CAN'T KEEP MY EYE ON ALL OF THESE PEOPLE

"WHO WALKIN' AROUND MY CAR AND STUFF, YOU KNOW.

I'M HIGH, I'M PARANOID. YOU KNOWI DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW."

SHE TELL ME, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM. JUST WALK ME TO MY DOOR."

I'M LIKE,"WALK YOU TO YOUR DOOR?

BITCH, YOU'RE GONNAWALK ME BACK TO MY CAR."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- IT'S SELFISH. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

MEN, WATCH WHO YOU ARE DATIN' OUT HERE, ALL RIGHT?

I HAD A REAL BAD EXPERIENCE ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO.

I WAS IN A CLUBKISSIN' THIS MAN ALL NIGHT, MAN.

NAW, HE LOOKED LIKE A WOMAN, THOUGH. HE HAD THE SURGERY.

DON'T GET ME WRONG,THIS IS THE THICKEST MAN

I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE,ALL RIGHT.

I'M IN THERE BUYIN' HIM DRINKS AND HOLDIN' HIS HAND

AND LICKIN' HIS EAR...

AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE NO PUNCH LINE.

JUST WATCH WHO YOU ARE DATIN' OUT HERE, ALL RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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