Bruce Bruce - Flying First Class

  • Season 7 , Ep 3
  • 02/20/2003
  • Views: 20,183

Bruce Bruce travels with 28 Subway sandwiches. (1:43)

Bruce Bruce: YOU KNOW,

WHEN I FLY ALL THE TIME--

I HAVE TO FLY FIRST CLASS

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M A BIG BOY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

SO, EVERY TIME I'M IN

FIRST CLASS, PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME

ALWAYS WALK BY, AND WE SPEAK,

AND LIKE--

"HI, BRUCE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

SO NORMALLY, WHITE PEOPLE DON'T

KNOW WHO I AM.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

SO I WAS SITTING NEXT TO THIS

ONE GUY.

HE'S LOOKING, AND HE LIKE--

"OH, EVERYBODY'S SPEAKING TO

HIM," YOU KNOW?

SO HE SAID, "LOOK HERE, BUDDY.

I AIN'T GETTING IN YOUR

BUSINESS, BUT I'M LOOKING AT YOU

AND EVERYBODY'S SPEAKING TO YOU,

SO YOU GOT TO BE SOMEBODY."

(LAUGHTER)

SO WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW WHO

I AM, I'M LIKE--

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?"

HE'S LIKE "NO."

I SAY, "I'M A MALE STRIPPER."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

(WHISTLES)

HE'S LIKE "YOU'RE KIDDIN'."

I SAY, "YEAH."

HE SAID, "WHAT'S YOUR STAGE

NAME?"

I SAY, "STRETCH MARKS."

HE WAS CALLING ME IT THE WHOLE

FLIGHT.

"LOOK HERE, STRETCH MARKS.

I'M GONNA GO TO THE RESTROOM.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

'CAUSE YOU KNOW, AT THE AIRPORT

NOW, THEY DO ALL TYPE OF RANDOM

SEARCHES.

EVERYBODY KNOWS.

ANYBODY FLYING KNOW WHAT

I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I HAVE TO FLY ALL THE TIME.

SO, THEY CAN JUST PICK YOU OUT

OF THE LINE.

LIKE, "I NEED TO CHECK YOUR

BAGGAGE."

THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.

IF YOU DON'T LET 'EM CHECK IT,

YOU'RE NOT FLYING, YOU KNOW?

SO A LADY PICKED ME OUT.

I WAS FLYING FROM L.A. TO HERE.

SHE SAID, "I NEED TO DO A RANDOM

SEARCH ON YOU."

I SAID, "YES, MA'AM."

AND SHE LOOKED IN MY BAGS.

SHE GET REAL LOUD."

WHAT YOU DOING WITH ALL THESE

SUBWAY SANDWICHES?"

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW I TRIED TO BE COOL.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I SAID, "I GET HUNGRY BETWEEN

FLIGHTS, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

SAYING?"

MAN, SHE GET REAL LOUD.

"26 SUBWAYS?"

(LAUGHTER)

I SAID, "26?

THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE 28.

SOMEBODY DONE GOT ME FOR

TWO SANDWICHES, YOU KNOW?"

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW HOW

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