James Davis - Quick Change

Season 1 , Ep 3 07/18/10 Views: 5,336

President Obama should pass a law that let's you buy McDonald's breakfast all day. (3:35)

WHO HERE IS ON FACEBOOK?

MAKE SOME NOISEIF YOU ARE ON FACEBOOK.

[cheers and applause]THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I'M GONNA BE REAL.

THIS MIGHT OFFENDSOME PEOPLE IN THE CROWD.

I'M TIRED OF ALL THESEOLD PEOPLE JOINING FACEBOOK.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

ALL I'M SAYING IS I DON'TWANT TO GO ON FACEBOOK

AND BE INVITED TO BE A FANOF THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.

IT AIN'T ABOUT THAT.

THIS IS A YOUNG PEOPLE'SBUSINESS.

THIS IS HOW I KNOWIT GOT REAL.

I JUST GOT A FRIEND REQUEST

FROM MY GRANDFATHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT THATFEELS IKE?

IT'S LIKE WHENYOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

AND YOU'RE AT A HOUSE PARTY,JUST HAVING FUN,

HUMPIN' AND FREAKIN'AND HUMPIN' AND FREAKIN'.

AND THEN YOUR PARENT COMESINTO THE PARTY TO GET YOU,

LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?OH, MY GOODNESS, LEAVE.

"THIS IS FOR US.HOW'D YOU FIND ME?

"GO! GO!

"OH, MY GOODNESS,THEY GONNA SEE YOU.

I AM SO EMBARRASSED.OHH."

I JUST WANT TO SAY, KEEP ONSUPPORTING YOUR PRESIDENT,

BARACK OBAMA.

CLAP IT UP.

[cheers and applause]

WHEREVER HE'S AT.

'CAUSE HE NEEDS THAT.HE NEEDED THAT APPLAUSE.

RIGHT NOW,HE'S GETTING HATED ON.

THEY BEEN CRASHING HIS PARTIES,YELLING OUT DURING SPEECHES.

THEY WON'T THROW NO SHOEAT BARACK, THOUGH.

HE'S TOO ATHLETIC.HE'LL CATCH IT.

DO A MUTOMBO FINGER."NOT IN THIS HOUSE."

NOT IN THIS HOUSE.

I LIKE BARACK,'CAUSE HE REPRESENTS

ALL OF US IN THIS ROOM.

I THINK WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO

IS PASS A LAW THAT BRINGS ABOUTQUICK CHANGE.

LIKE, "BAM. YOU SEE THAT?WHAT WAS THAT?"

CHANGE. LIKE QUICK CHANGE.

LIKE--LIKE HE SHOULD MAKE--THIS WAS MY IDEA--

HE SHOULD MAKE MCDONALD'SBREAKFAST ALL DAY.

MAKE THAT A LAW, RIGHT?

[cheers and applause]RIGHT?

IS THAT NOT CHANGEYOU CAN BELIEVE IN?

EVERYBODY ELSEHAS 24-HOUR BREAKFAST.

MCDONALD'S, 10:30,"SHOO. GET OUT OF HERE.

GO DEEP.GET OUT MY FACE."

LIKE WHAT?

WHAT IS IT ABOUTMCDONALD'S BREAKFAST?

DO THEY HAVE SOME MAGICAL,MYSTICAL BISCUITS AND EGGS

THAT JUST DISINTEGRATEAT THE STROKE OF 10:29:59?

HAVE YOU EVER SHOWN UP AT,LIKE, 10:27...

10:26, STILL BEEN DENIED?

DON'T YOU FEELLIKE ROSA PARKS,

AND YOUR CIVIL RIGHTSARE VIOLATED?

WHOA! ARE YOU SERIOUS?

"LOOK AT YOUR WATCH.IT'S 10:26.

"THIS IS WRONG.THIS IS WRONG.

"MARTIN, MALCOLM.COME HERE RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS--COME UPOUT THE HEAVENS."

THAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I WISH BARACKWOULD HAVE BEEN WITH ME

IN MY CAR TO MAKE THEMGIVE ME BREAKFAST.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW BARACK--WHATEVER HE SAYS GOES.

HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITEDSTATES OF THE GALAXY.

FOUR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS,GALAXY.

SO YOU KNOW BARACK.HE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE,

[imitating President Obama]"OH, NOW, LISTEN.

I UNDERSTAND THAT BREAKFASTENDS AT 10:30."

[laughter and applause]

"BUT THAT'S ONEOF THE FAILED POLICIES

"OF THE LAST EIGHT YEARS.

"UH, LISTEN, LISTEN.

"UH, ME AND MY WIFE MICHELE,

"OUR DAUGHTERS,SASHA AND MALIA,

"WE'RE HUNGRY.

"NOW, RONALD MCDONALD,

"I NEED YOU TO BEAN AGENT FOR CHANGE.

THERE'S AN OLD LADYWHO...WORKS IN IDAHO."

[applause]

"AND--AND--AND MAYBESHE CAN'T GET HER...

"SAUSAGE EGG MCMUFFIN.

"HER BACON, EGG,AND CHEESE...BISCUIT.

"THANK YOU.

"BUT I CHARGE YOU,THE NEXT TIME SHE COMES

"AND SHE ASKS,

"'CAN YOUSERVE ME BREAKFAST?',

"I WANT YOU TO TELL HER,

'YES, WE CAN.'"

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