Al Madrigal - World's Greatest Dad

  • Season 9 , Ep 21
  • 06/30/2005
  • Views: 5,860

Al Madrigal is not the world's greatest dad. (3:21)

I'VE GOT A WIFE.

MY WIFE IS HALF-KOREAN AND

HALF-GREEK.

SO TOGETHER WE'RE THIS COOL,

BLADE RUNNER COUPLE OF THE

FUTURE, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEN WE GOTTA BABY.

WE GOT ONE OF THESE BABIES.

AND I BET YOU'RE WONDERING

WHAT DOES THE BABY LOOK LIKE?

WHAT DOES A QUARTER KOREAN,

QUARTER MEXICAN, QUARTER GREEK,

QUARTER SICILIAN BABY LOOK LIKE,

BUDDY?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.

HE'S WHITE.

AIN'T THAT A BITCH.

[LAUGHTER]

WE DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GONNA

GET HIM INTO COLLEGE.

PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY COMING UP

TO ME, "DAD-- DUDE!

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?"

"NEVER MIND WHERE I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT?"

[LAUGHTER]

SURE IF ANYBODY'S GOT ONE OF

THESE BABIES, MAN, BUT IT'S

CRAZY.

MY BABY, HE DOESN'T DO MUCH

WHICH NOBODY WARNED ME.

NOBODY WARNED ME WHAT TO EXPECT.

NOBODY WARNED ME WHAT TO WORRY

ABOUT.

I GOTTA T-SHIRT, RIGHT, THAT'S

ALL I GOT, A T-SHIRT THAT SAID,

"NUMBER ONE DAD" ON IT, RIGHT?

AND IT'S LIKE "WORLD'S GREATEST

DAD," YOU KNOW.

AND AFTER THE BIG AL'S HAMMER

HUT JOKE I THINK WE CAN ALREADY

TELL--

"NO.

I'M NOT THE WORLD'S GREATEST

DAD."

ALL RIGHT.

BUT I'M PRETTY GOOD.

I STOPPED SMOKING WEED.

THANKS A LOT.

[APPLAUSE]

APPRECIATE IT.

THANK YOU.

BUT I DID START TAKING THAT

VICODEN.

I STARTED TAKING A LOT OF

VICODEN.

WHEN YOUR WIFE GIVES BIRTH SHE

GETS A LOT OF VICODEN.

AND THEN YOU CAN JUST TAKE IT

FROM HER.

SHE'S LIKE, "BUT IT STILL HURTS,

HONEY.

IT STILL HURTS."

YOU'RE LIKE "MY PAIN'S JUST

BEGUN," RIGHT.

AND YOU START POPPIN' A COUPLE

OF THOSE BABIES AND YOU GET A

NICE BUZZ.

AND THEN NOBODY WARNED ME ABOUT

THE WIGGLES.

NOBODY WARNED ME AT ALL ABOUT

THE WIGGLES.

I'M NOT SURE IF YOU PEOPLE KNOW

WHAT A WIGGLE IS.

WIGGLES LET'S CATCH YOU GUY'S

UP.

WIGGLES ARE THESE FOUR GLEEFUL

DICKS FROM AUSTRALIA.

CAME OVER AND THEY WEAR

MULTICOLORED STAR TREK OUTFITS

AND THEY SING SONGS ABOUT FRUIT

SALAD AND HOW YUMMY IT IS,

RIGHT?

AND JUST OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

SELL MILLIONS OF ALBUMS.

AND THE KIDS LOVE 'EM.

THEY GO CRAZY.

THEY HANG OUT WITH A GUY NAMED

CAPTAIN FEATHERSWORD WHO'S GOT

A FEATHER FOR A SWORD.

BUT HE'S MISSING AN EYE, ALSO.

HE'S MISSING AN EYE.

SO APPARENTLY HE TICKLED THE

WRONG PERSON.

[LAUGHTER]

I THINK SOMETHING HE WAS WARNED

ABOUT, TOO.

SO WE WENT UP TO HIM LIKE,

"LOOK, FEATHERSWORD, MAN.

YOU TICKLE ME AGAIN AND

I'M GONNA CUT OUT YOUR EYE,

ALL RIGHT?"

AND THEN SURE ENOUGH,

"WO HO-HO, HO-HO!"

AND HE SPOONED THAT LITTLE EYE

OUT OF HIS--

AND THAT'S GOOD FOR A KID'S

SHOW, TO HAVE A GUY WHO'S

MISSING AN EYEBALL ON THERE.

AND THEN THEY SING SONGS.

AND THE WORST PART ABOUT IT IS

THEY'RE NOT ON THE TV.

THEY DO CONCERTS ALL OVER THE

AREA.

THEY DO CONCERTS ACROSS THE

COUNTRY.

THEY DO CONCERTS IN EUROPE.

AND IT COSTS $30 FOR A WIGGLES

TICKET, RIGHT?

THIRTY BUCKS OUTKAST BETTER

SHOW UP, RIGHT?

BETTER BE BIG BOY IN THE

WIGGLES, ONE NIGHT ONLY, RIGHT?

BUT NO, THEY'RE OUT THERE.

AND ANOTHER THING IS YOU CAN'T

GET BACKSTAGE TO A WIGGLES SHOW.

IT'S NOT ALLOWED.

AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?

I LOOKED IT UP ON THE INTERNET.

CRAZED SINGLE MOMS WANNA HUMP

THE WIGGLES.

IT'S TRUE.

THERE'S WIGGLE HO'S OUT THERE

AND THEY'RE RUINING IT FOR

EVERYBODY.

THEY'RE RUININ' IT FOR

EVERYBODY.

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