Jim Gaffigan - Waffle House

Jim Gaffigan: King Baby Season 1, Ep 0101 03/29/2009 Views: 104,176

Jim Gaffigan has seen a gun five times in his life, and three of those times were at a Waffle House. (2:00)

I'LL TELL YOU,I THOUGHT THE IHOPWAS A DUMP

UNTIL I WENTINTO A WAFFLE HOUSE.

THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYINGIN THERE.

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU'LLNEVER HEAR IN A WAFFLE HOUSE:

"NICE JOB CLEANING UP!"

NOW IF YOU'VE NEVER BEENTO A WAFFLE HOUSE,

JUST IMAGINEA GAS-STATION BATHROOM

THAT SELLS WAFFLES,

AND YOU'VE BEENTO A WAFFLE HOUSE.

I LOVE WAFFLE HOUSE.

AND NOT JUST 'CAUSEWATCHING SOMEONE FRY AN EGG

WHILE THEY'RE SMOKINGREMINDS ME OF MY DAD.

IT'S THE PEOPLE IN THERE.IT'S LIKE A WHITE-TRASHCONVENTION,

OR FOR MEA FAMILY REUNION.

IT'S SO WHITE TRASHIN THERE,

IT MAKES THE IHOPAPPEAR INTERNATIONAL.

I'VE SEEN A GUNFIVE TIMES IN MY LIFE.

THREE OF THEM HAVE BEENIN WAFFLE HOUSE.

THERE'S DEFINITELYA DANGEROUS FEEL TO 'EM.

EVEN THE WAFFLE HOUSE SIGNLOOKS LIKE A RANSOM NOTE.

THERE'S ALWAYS A LETTER OUT.OCCASIONALLY IT'LL BE THE "W,"

SO IT'LL READ "AFFLE HOUSE."

"THAT'S WHERE I WANNA GOAT 2:00 A.M."

THAT'S WHEN EVERYONE GOES.

THEIR SLOGAN SHOULD BE,"IT'S 2:00 A.M.,

STILL TIME TO MAKEONE MORE BAD DECISION."

YOU GO IN THERE,

EVERYONE'S DRUNK.

YOU KNOW EVERYONE'S DRUNKIN WAFFLE HOUSE

'CAUSE THEY HAVE PICTURESOF THE FOOD ON THE MENU.

HOW DRUNK DO YOUHAVE TO BE TO NOT REMEMBER

WHAT A WAFFLELOOKS LIKE?

"OH, YEAH,IT'S LIKE A PLAID PANCAKE."

"I'LL HAVE 12 OF THOSEFOR A NICKEL."

YOU EVER GO INTOWAFFLE HOUSE DURING THE DAY?

THAT'S WEIRD.

"THIS PLACELOOKS FAMILIAR.

I THINK I THREW UPIN HERE.

OH, THERE IT IS."

ALL RIGHT, THAT IS ALL.THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU GUYS.