Glenn Wool - Scruffy

  • Season 2 , Ep 5
  • 04/21/2011
  • Views: 7,927

Glenn Wool's appearance means that he usually has to say five intelligent things before people treat him like he's not mentally retarded. (4:41)

I KNOW IT WILL BE DIFFICULTFOR SOME OF YOU

BECAUSE I AM, INDEED,SCRUFFY.

I'M A MESSY LITTLE BOY,AND WHEN I MEET SOMEBODY NEW

I USUALLY HAVE TO SAYFIVE INTELLIGENT THINGS

IN CONVERSATIONBEFORE THEY TREAT ME

LIKE I'M NOTMENTALLY RETARDED.

NUMBER SIX, I GET TO TAKETHE CORK OFF OF MY FORK.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT THERE'SNO REASON

TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

I'M JUST SAYING THAT THERE'SNOW BEEN A SEA CHANGE.

AND THE TREATMENT THAT PEOPLELIKE ME HAVE RECEIVED

SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME SHOULDNOW GO TO PEOPLE

WHO WEAR BUSINESS SUITSAND DRIVE BIG FLASHY CARS.

'CAUSE, LOOK, I KNOWI SCREWED MY JOB UP BEFORE.

SOMETIMES I SHOW UP DRUNK.

SOMETIMES I TELL JOKESTHAT AREN'T APPROPRIATE

FOR MY ENVIRONS.

(laughter)

BUT I HAVE NEVER SCREWEDMY JOB UP SO BADLY

THAT THE GOVERNMENTHAD TO BAIL ME OUT

WITH $750 BILLION DOLLARS!!

(cheers and applause)

NEXT TIME YOU SEE A DUDEIN A SUIT WALK BY,

KICK HIM IN HIS ASS!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'D BE WILLING TO LET RICH FOLKSHAVE ANOTHER GO

IF I THOUGHT THE NEXT GENERATIONWAS GONNA BE ANY BETTER.

IF THEIR KIDS ARE RUNNINGAROUND DRESSED LIKE HIPPIES,

MAKING PEACE SIGNS,BE LIKE, YEAH, MAN.

LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS,BUT THEIR CHILDREN AREN'T.

THEIR CHILDREN DRESSLIKE GANGSTER RAPPERS

FOR SOME REASON WHICH,BY THE WAY,

THERE'S NOTHING WRONGWITH DOING

IF YOU ARE INDEEDA GANGSTER WRAPPER!!

(laughter)

BUT IF YOU'RE SOME RICHLITTLE PUNK,

YOU CAN'T DRESSLIKE A GANGSTER RAPPER!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOLUS ALL INTO THINKING?

LIKE, "OH, MY, LOOK,A CRIP HAS MOVED

INTO THE BASEMENTOF THAT MANSION, HMM."

(laughter)

HOW ODD.

YOU KNOW WHY RICH KIDS DRESSLIKE GANGSTER RAPPERS?

IT'S 'CAUSE THEY WANT AN AIROF CRIMINALITY ABOUT THEMSELVES.

THEY WANT TO INTIMIDATE YOUWITH THAT LOOK.

THEY WANT TO BE ABLE TO SHOW UPTO THE MALL

AND HAVE EVERYONE GO, "OH,MY GOD. IT'S A GANGSTER RAPPER!

RUN! HIDE!ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!"

KID, YOU WANT TO DRESSLIKE A REAL CRIMINAL?

DRESS LIKE YOUR DAD.

(laughter and applause)

DUDES IN SUITS HAVE DONEFAR WORST CRIMES

THAN A GANGSTER RAPPERCOULD EVER DREAM OF!

I GUARANTEE YOU A LOADOF GANGSTER RAPPERS

HAVE NEVER TEAMED UPAND STOLEN THE MINERAL RIGHTS

FROM A DEVELOPING COUNTRY,THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED.

THE ALBUMWOULD BE TOO LONG.

(laughter)

AND IT STARTS WITH STOPPINGINDOCTRINATING YOUR CHILDREN

INTO IMPLICITLY TRUSTINGSOMEBODY

BECAUSE THEY WEAR A SUIT.

BUT YOU LIKE AT THE WAYWE TREAT LITTLE BOYS,

IN PARTICULAR,YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD, SON?

YOU PUT ON A SUIT!PEOPLE IN SUITS LOOK GOOD!

YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?

(gasps)YOU BETTER PUT ON A SUIT.

WE WANT YOU AT YOUR WEDDINGIN A SYMBOL OF CORPORATE GREED.

(laughter)

YOU GETTING IN TROUBLE?(gasps)

YOU'D BETTER PUT ON A SUIT!

JUDGES LIKE PEOPLEIN SUITS!

WHY?

THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY PEOPLEI KNOW

WEAR IRON MAIDEN T-SHIRTS!

(laughter and applause)

WHAT DO YOU THINKYOU WOULDA DONE

IF PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE MEHAD COST THE WESTERN WORLD

$3 TRILLION DOLLARS?

(laughter)

YOU WOULD OF KILLED US.

YOU WOULD'VE HADANOTHER HOLOCAUST.

WE WOULD HAVE BEEN LUREDONTO TRAINS

UNDER THE PROMISEOF AN AC/DC CONCERT.

(laughter)

HUDDLED IN THE SHOWERS.

AND THEN FOUND ITVERY HARD TO GAS US.

(laughter)

YEAH!

HEY, GUYS, IT'S COMINGOUT OF THESE THINGS!

BARTENDER,DON'T TURN IT OFF!

WE'RE HAVING A PAR-TAY!

ENOUGH OF THIS CYCLONE B.GIVE US THE CYCLONE A.

YOU KNOW THE GOOD STUFF.

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