Pete Holmes - Internet Sleuth

  • Season 14 , Ep 4
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 83,541

Whenever you're feeling good and right about the youth of today, just read some YouTube comments. (2:02)

'CAUSE I WAS INTOO GOOD OF A MOOD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHENEVER I'M FEELING GOOD ANDRIGHT ABOUT THE YOUTH OF TODAY,

JUST READSOME FREAKING YouTube COMMENTS.

KNOCK THAT DOWN A NOTCH.

THE MOST RACIST, VILE, MEAN,DISGUSTING GARBAGE.

IT'S ALWAYS ON SOME, LIKE,HARMLESS JUGGLING VIDEO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LIKE, "LOCAL CLOWN JUGGLESTHREE BALLS."

"DIE, YOU PUERTO RICANPIECE OF CRAP!"

WHOA! WHOA!

HOW CAN YOU TELLHE'S PUERTO RICAN?

HE'S WEARING FACE MAKEUP.

AND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,BUT I'M AN INTERNET SLEUTH.

I LIKE TO CLICK ON THE NAME ANDSEE WHO'S LEAVING THE COMMENT.

AND IT'S NEVERWHO YOU THINK IT IS.

IT'S NEVER SOME TOOTHLESS YOKELIN A SHACK.

HE DOESN'T HAVE Wi-Fi.

IT'S ALWAYSSOME 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL

WITH A HELLO KITTYBEHIND HER PICTURE,

JUST LIKE, "HEY, I'M TRIXIE!I LIVE IN SAN FRAN!

WHAT UP?!"

WHY?!

WHY ARE YOU BOILINGWITH BUBBLING HATE, TRIXIE?

THAT'S HER DAY.SHE'S 14.

SHE'S LIKE, "MOM, MOM, MOM!TUNA SMELTS FOR LUNCH, MOM!

"TUNA SMELTS!

JEWS..."

WHY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A VOICETHAT REACHES MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

WHEN YOU'RETHAT YOUNG AND STUPID,

BECAUSE THERE'S A RECORDOF THAT.

THINK ABOUT IT.

HOW IS ANYONE EVER GONNA RUNFOR PRESIDENT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

50 YEARS LATER,IT'S JUST GONNA BE A TRIAL,

LIKE, "SENATOR O'NEAL[CLEARS THROAT]

WHO IS ONEALLY19?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I DON'T RECALL."

"YOU DON'T RECALL?

YOU DON'T RECALL WATCHINGA KOREAN FREESTYLE RAP VIDEO?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"LEAVING THE COMMENT, 'LMAO,THESE BORIENTALS SUCK ASS'?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"YOU DON'T RECALL SPELLING 'ASS'WITH 13 Z's, SIR?

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

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