Otis Lee Crenshaw - Package Boy

  • Season 7 , Ep 11
  • 04/17/2003
  • Views: 8,083

THEY GOT LOW SELF-ESTEEM,

SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHAT A SEXY, SEXY, SEXY THEATER,

PEOPLE.

WE ARE NOT USED TO PLAYING

THE KIND OF VENUES THAT DON'T

HAVE A DRAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF

THE FLOOR.

AND WHEN I LOOK OUT ON THIS

AUDIENCE, ESPECIALLY AT YOU,

FELLA, HUH, ALL DRESSED UP

IN YOUR BEST EXECUTIVE NECKTIE.

CAME STRAIGHT FROM WORK.

DIDN'T YOU, HUH?

JUST NEED A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT

IN YOUR LIFE TO OVERCOME ALL

THAT PAPERWORK THAT'S GETTING

YOU SO DOWN, FELLA.

AND I SEE YOU SITTING BESIDE

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

AND YET, THERE'S SO MUCH

DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU.

MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING A LITTLE

BIT TOO MUCH ABOUT WORK AND

NOT ENOUGH ABOUT LOVE, FELLA.

HUH?

DUDE, YOU GOTTA STRIP OFF THAT

NECK TIE AND LET HER SEE THAT--

SOMEWHAT--

NON HAIRY CHEST UNDERNEATH THAT.

HUH?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME THERE,

BIG FELLA.

MIKE.

NOT A SEXIER NAME ON THE PLANET,

MIKE.

I CAN SEE WHY SHE FELL FOR

A FELLA LIKE YOU.

WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO,

MIKE?

YOU'RE IN SALES.

YOU'RE A YACHTSMAN.

WHAT DO YOU SELL, MIKE.

COME ON.

LET'S WALK YOU THROUGH YOUR DAY.

LET'S GET UP IN THE MORNING.

WHERE WE GOING, MIKE?

Mike: TO MANHATTAN.

Otis: TO MANHATTAN.

AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IT WE SELL,

MIKE?

Mike: PACKAGING.

Otis: PACKAGING.

OH, OH, MY--

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE

SOMETHING ABOUT PACKAGING,

FELLA.

BECAUSE THE GREATEST PACKAGE

OF ALL IS LOVE, MIKE.

PACKAGE BOY.

AND NO CORRUGATED THREE-COLOR

PROCESS PRINTING TYPE OF PACKAGE

IS EVER GONNA KEEP YOU WARM

AT NIGHT, FELLA.

THAT'S RIGHT, NO STYROFOAM

EVER CRAWLED INTO BED WITH YOU

ON THEM COLD, COLD MANHATTAN

NIGHTS AND CALLED OUT A NAME

THAT A FELLA LIKE YOU NEEDS

TO HEAR SO DESPERATELY.

THEY HAVEN'T INVENTED THAT KIND

OF PACKAGING YET, NO.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BOX

THAT'S GONNA SNUGGLE UP BESIDE

YOU, WHISPER IN YOUR EAR,

SO SOFTLY CALL IN--

♪ PACKAGING BOY ♪

THAT'S RIGHT, PACKAGE BOY.

'CAUSE THE GREATEST PACKAGE

OF ALL IS LOVE.

AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT

BIG BOX CALLED PASSION,

YOU'VE JUST GOT A LITTLE

BLISTER--

SINGLE COLOR PROCESS CALLED

LONELINESS, FELLA.

STOP ME BEFORE I METAPHOR AGAIN.

BUT IF YOU DON'T PAY MORE

ATTENTION TO HER AND A

LITTLE LESS TO YOUR PACKAGING,

SHE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU FOR

SOMEONE WITH A BIGGER PACKAGE,

BASICALLY, IS WHAT I'M SAYING.

NOW WHEN YOU'RE LYING ON

THE FLOOR WITH NOTHING BUT

A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIEL'S

AND YOUR PACKAGING SCHEMATICS,

YOU'RE GONNA BE LONELY AND THEM

BIG TEARS OF SALTINESS ARE GONNA

ROLL DOWN YOUR CHEEKS,

PACKAGE BOY, AND THEY'RE GONNA

OBLITERATE THE WRITING ON THE

PACKAGES.

AND THEN WHEN SOMEONE GOES

TO BUY DEODORANT, IT'LL SAY

"DEDUCT".

AND THEN THERE WILL BE A HUGE

FIGHT WITHIN THE CORPORATION.

AND YOU'LL END UP FIRED.

AND THEN YOU'LL BE STUCK ON

THE STREETS, PACKAGE BOY.

AND THEN YOU'LL TURN TO ROBBERY

AND CRIME.

AND YOUR SORRY ASS WILL END UP

IN PRISON.

I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN SO MANY

TIMES TO PACKAGING EXECUTIVES.

AND WHEN A SIX FOOT EIGHT

MEXICAN TRANSVESTITE IS

BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK,

IN THAT COLD, COLD CELL,

THE LAST THING YOU WANNA HEAR

IS A BIG, BIG MAN WHISPERING

IN YOUR EAR IN THE DARK WHILE

YOU'RE IN NOTHING BUT YOUR

SHORTS, CALLING OUT:

♪ PACKAGING BOY ♪

THAT'S RIGHT, PACKAGE BOY.

SO TAKE HER HOME TONIGHT

AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THE WHOLE PACKAGE.

♪ OH, PACKAGING BOY ♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

EVERY NIGHT WE DO THAT

PACKAGE BOY SONG.

IT'S NEVER WORKED BEFORE.

FORTUNATELY, TONIGHT A MAN

IN THAT PARTICULAR INDUSTRY,

TO GIVE IT THE CREDIBILITY

IT DESERVES.

SO GOD BLESS YOU, FELLA.

OH, WE COULD AFFORD PACKAGING

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