Marc Maron - Professional Flyer

  • Season 3 , Ep 3
  • 08/03/2012
  • Views: 17,747

Marc Maron makes a spiritual decision to suppress his fear. (3:56)

THE ENERGY TAKEN FROM MEFROM BEING AFRAID.

I COULD NO LONGER FLY THE PLANEIN COACH IN MY MIND.

I COULD NOT DO IT.IT WAS DRAINING.

SO I STUFFED THAT FEARAND THAT'S A SPIRITUAL DECISION.

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS.

THE GUY WHO'S FLYINGSHOULD BE ABLE TO FLY THIS

WITHOUT MY HELP.

ALL RIGHT.

THEN CLEVELAND HAPPENED.

NOW THIS--THIS ISA SERIOUS STORY, ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS A RECENT STORY,

AND I'M STILL GRAPPLINGWITH THIS.

I FLY A LOT, ALL RIGHT,

AND I WAS TAKINGA AFTERNOON FLIGHT

OUT OF LAX TO CLEVELAND,4:00 FLIGHT.

I'M A PROFESSIONAL FLYER.I KNOW THAT.

I SHOULD CHECK THE WEATHERWHERE I'M GOING

BECAUSE IF THERE'SA STORM IN DENMARK,

I'M GONNA BE SCREWED AT LAX.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IF THERE'S WEATHER ANYWHEREON THE PLANET,

WE'RE ALL GOING TO PAYFOR IT IN THE AIR.

SO THERE'S GONNA BE A STORMOUTSIDE OF CLEVELAND.

I SEE THATON THE WEATHER THING.

SO I'M DRIVING IN THE AIRPORTTHINKING WE'RE GONNA BE DELAYED.

I'M SCREWED.THE DAY IS SCREWED.

IT'S OVER.I GET TO THE AIRPORT.

I GET TO THE GATE.4:00 WE'RE ON THE PLANE.

4:10 WE'RE UP IN THE AIR,I'M LIKE, "GREAT, WE GOT OUT."

4:20 THE PILOT GETSON THE INTERCOM AND HE SAYS,

"HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?UH...

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT

WE MIGHT HIT SOME WEATHEROUTSIDE OF CLEVELAND,

BUT I THINK I'M GONNA MISS IT."

WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE THAT?WHAT'S WITH THE ATTITUDE?

I'M LIKE, "WHO IS THIS GUY?"

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSEDTO SIT HERE AND GO,

"I WONDER WHENIT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

WHY IS HE TELLING US THAT?AND WHAT'S WITH HIS ATTITUDE?

WHY IS HE SO COCKY?IS HE A HOTDOGER?

IS HE GAMBLING WITH US?YOU KNOW...

THAT'S WHAT'S GOINGTHROUGH MY MIND,

BUT I DON'T MAKE A BIGDEAL OUT OF IT.

I'M A PROFESSIONAL FLYER.I'M COOL.

I'M WATCHING VH1 ON DIRECTTV.

THE WOODSTOCK MOVIE IS ON.

WE'RE AN HOUR AND A HALFOUTSIDE OF CLEVELAND,

AN HOUR AND A HALF,AND THIS GUYS GETS ON AND SAYS,

" YEAH, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNAHIT THAT WEATHER

AND I THINK THAT (bleep)WE WERE GONNA MISS,

AND HE SAYS,"COULD THE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS

PLEASE TAKE THEIR SEATSAND PREPARE THE CABIN

FOR LANDING,AND PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS."

SO I'M THINKING LIKE,WELL, IT'S GONNA BE BAD.

WE'RE GONNA HIT THE WEATHER,BUT I'M COOL.

I'M NOT GONNA FREAK OUT,BUT THEY'RE GONNA SIT DOWN,

SO THAT'S, YOU KNOW,IT'S GONNA BE BAD.

SO I'M WATCHINGTHE WOODSTOCK MOVIE.

JOE COCKER IS SINGING,

"WITH A LITTLE HELPFROM MY FRIENDS."

RIGHT AT THE HIGH NOTE,WHERE HE'S LIKE,

♪ I GET HIGH

I SEE LIGHTNING ONBOTH SIDES OF THE PLANE,

(laughter)

AND THE AIRCRAFT FALLS OUTOF THE SKY, FALLS,

JUST A FREE FALL.

I DON'T FREAK OUT,BUT THE GUY BEHIND ME,

I'M NOW HEARING INMY HEADPHONES JOE COCKER,

AND THE GUYIN THE SIT BEHIND ME GOING

"OH, GOD, OH, GOD."

OH, GOD, NO, NO!"

HE'S FREAKING OUT.

I DON'T FREAK OUT.I HAVE SOME WEIRD THOUGHTS.

MY FIRST THOUGHT IS,"DO I WANNA DIE TO THIS SONG?"

(applause)

THIS IS A GOOD SONG,BUT DO I WANNA DIE TO IT?

AND THEN MY NEXT THOUGHT IS,"I SHOULD MAKE A DEATH PLAYLIST

FROM MY iPOD."

YOU KNOW, FOR WHENI HAVE TIME TO DECIDE.

I'M GETTING OLDER.I COULD BE ON A TREADMILL.

WHAT'S THAT PAIN SHOOTING DOWNMY ARM, "UH-OH, PICK A TUNE."

SHOULD OF MADE A PLAYLIST.

THEN MY THIRD THOUGHT WAS,WHICH I THOUGHT WAS ODD,

"I WISH MY GIRLFRIENDWERE HERE...

TO DIE WITH ME."

THAT'S SAD.

LIKE, I WANT HER TO BE HEREWHEN WE PLUMMET TO OUR DEATH

IN THIS HORRIBLE CRASHTOGETHER.

BUT THAT'S ACTUALLYA FUNCTIONAL METAPHOR

FOR ALL OF MY ADULTRELATIONSHIPS, YOU KNOW.

PLANE'S CRASHING,GET ON BOARD.

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