female narrator:PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES
TO MAKE HIS CASEFOR AN INVASION OF IRAQ.
- AFTER CAREFULLYEXAMINING THE REGION,
ME AND MY CABINET AGREETHAT THAT AREA
IS DEFINITELY RIPEFOR REGIME CHANGE.
- A'IGHT?
- BUT IF I CAN BEREAL ABOUT IT--
- BE REAL, SON.- REAL?
- BE REAL REAL, SON.
- TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN.
all:WORD.
- I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT.
- SAY WORD, HE TRIEDTO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON.
- THAT NIGGER TRIEDTO KILL MY FATHER!
- WORD TOEVERYTHING WE LOVE,
WE COMING TO SEE Y'ALL, SON.
announcer:MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH
AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTERTONY BLAIR
OFFERED A SPIRITED EXPLANATIONFOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ.
- THIS NIGGER VERY POSSIBLYHAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
I CAN'T SLEEP ON THAT.
NOT ON MY WATCH!
THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS!
NOW, IF YOU DON'T WANTTO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,
WHY DON'T YOU ASKTONY BLAIR?
HE GOT A WHOLE NOTHERSET OF INTELLIGENCE.
WHAT'S UP, TONY?
- WE DON'T KNOW MUCHABOUT SADDAM,
BUT WE CAN'T TRUSTRANDOM NIGGERS
WITH THINGS LIKE THAT,AS GEORGE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT.
I'M WITH HIM100% OF THE WAY.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS.
male narrator: IF THE UNITEDSTATES GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ,
WILL IT FIRST HAVETO PROVIDE EVIDENCE
THAT SADDAM HUSSEINHAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?
SO FAR, THE U.N.HAS FOUND NOTHING,
BUT PRESIDENT BUSHCOUNTERS WITH THIS:
- THE NIGGER BOUGHTALUMINUM TUBES!
DO I NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DOWITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE?
ALUMINUM!
THAT DON'T SCARE YOU?
FINE.I DIDN'T WANT SAY THIS.
THE MOTHERFUCKER BOUGHT SOMEYELLOW CAKE, OKAY, IN AFRICA.
HE WENT TO AFRICA,AND HE BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, I'M SURE, BITCH!
I GOT THE HEAD OF C.I.A.RIGHT HERE--HE'LL TELL YOU!
- WHAT UP?ARE YOU SURE?
ARE YOU SURE?
I CAN'T BELIEVEYOU MOTHER FUCKERS.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.RIDICULOUS!
ME AND JEB JUSTCOMING BACK FROM AFRICA.
- CRADLE OF FUCKINGCIVILIZATION.
- AND THIS NIGGER OUT HEREBUYING YELLOW CAKE.
- FROM THE MOTHERLAND.
- ARE YOU SUREIT WAS YELLOW CAKE?
- Y'ALL NIGGERSDON'T BELIEVE ME,
I GOT SOME YELLOW CAKERIGHT HERE!
LOOK, YOU SEE?YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT NOW?
- DON'T DROP THAT SHIT!
- I KNOW.I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!
THAT'S WHY I GOT IT WRAPPED UPIN THIS SPECIAL C.I.A. NAPKIN.
- JUST DON'TDROP THAT SHIT HERE.
- YOU BETTER HOPEI DON'T DROP THIS SHIT!
- PRAY TO GODYOU DON'T DROP THAT SHIT.
- YELLOW CAKE.
- FUCKING RIGHT.
male announcer:A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION
FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION
IS THE THEORY HELD BY MANYTHAT THE REAL REASON
THE U.S. IS SO INTERESTEDIN TOPPLING SADDAM
IS CONTROL OF THE OILTHAT IRAQ IS SITTING ON.
- WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY
YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTEDIN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR OIL?
- WHAT?
HUH?OIL?
WHO SAID SOMETHINGABOUT OIL, BITCH?
ARE YOU COOKING?OIL?
MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT--
COME ON Y'ALL.GET OUT OF HERE!
announcer:PRESIDENT BUSH MET
WITH U.N. SECRETARY GENERALKOFI ANNAN
AND MADE IT CLEARTHE U.S. WILL ACT
EVEN IF THE U.N.IS RELUCTANT.
- U.N., YOU HAVEA PROBLEM WITH THAT,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
YOU SHOULD SANCTION ME.
SANCTION ME WITH YOUR ARMY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARMY!
I GUESS THAT MEANSYOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
THAT'S WHAT I'D DOIF I DIDN'T HAVE NO ARMY.
I WOULD SHH!THE FUCK UP.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
THAT'S RIGHT,KOFI ANNAN.
THINK I'M GONNATAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN?
YOU MIGHT SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES,BUT YOU GONNA NEED THEM
WHEN YOU IN TIMES SQUARESELLING FAKE HATS.
I KNOW GUCCIWHEN I SEE IT, NIGGER.
I'M RICH.
I GOT A COALITIONOF THE WILLING.
I GOT 40 NATIONSREADY TO ROLL, SON!
- LIKE WHO?
- WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?
HUH?HUH?
LIKE WHO?
ENGLAND.
JAPAN'S SENDING PLAYSTATIONS.
STANKONIA SAID THEY'RE WILLINGTO DROP BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD.
RICKETY ROW IS COMING!
AFRIKA BAMBAATAAAND THE ZULU NATION.
THAT MEANS I AM NOTDOING THIS BY MYSELF,
AND I AM NOTDISRESPECTING THE U.N.,
EVEN THOUGHTHEY DON'T GOT NO ARMY.
GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES!
I'M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL--
OH![coughs]
female announcer: THE U.S.FIRED THE OPENING SALVO
IN THE WAR ON IRAQ
WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWKCRUISE MISSILES
AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS,CENTERING ON BAGHDAD.
[Hail to the Chief playing]
male announcer:GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSHIS ON BOARD
THE AIRCRAFT CARRIERU.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN
OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST.
IT WILL BE THE SITEOF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY
HIS VICTORY SPEECHIN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ.
- [clears throat]
WHAT DID I SAY?
I'M NOT GLOATING,BUT WHAT DID I SAY?
DID I NOT SAYTHAT WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT?
WE ROCKED THEM 'BAMAS!WE ROCKED THEM!
[whispering] NIGGER, YOU SEE MECOME IN ON THAT PLANE?
SHHHHOOO.
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH!
announcer:FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT DAY,
THESE HARD-LINE IRAQIS
PROTESTED THE AMERICANPRESENCE HERE.
- MR. PRESIDENT,WHEN DO YOU THINK
THEY'LL HOLDGENERAL ELECTIONS IN IRAQ?
- DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULDN'THAVE CALLED ON THIS NIGGER!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED ON YOU'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS
TRYING TO DISTRACTMOTHERFUCKERS
WITH THINGS LIKE THE WARAND SKIRT ALL THE REAL ISSUES.
GAY PEOPLE AREGETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.
YES.
NASTY!IMAGINE THAT.
TWO WOMEN TOUCHINGON EACH OTHER'S TITTIE BALLS,
WRESTLING THEM,
GENTLY STROKINGTHOSE NIPPLES
TILL THEY GETJUST SO STIFF AND ERECT!
BLOWING ON THEM.
[blowing]
MEN.BARBECUE.
"I LIKE YOU.""I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG."
"LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN."
IT'S CRAZY!
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR--- THAT SHIT IS GROSS!
- MR. PRESIDENT.MR. PRESIDENT, SIR.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAINTHE CONTINUAL UPHEAVAL IN IRAQ
EVEN AFTER THE CAPTUREOF SADDAM HUSSEIN?
- WHY ARE YOUDOING THIS, MAN?
I THOUGHT YOU WASMY BLACK BROTHER.
WHY YOU ASKING MEQUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
FINE, I'LL ANSWERYOUR STUPID-ASS QUESTION.
HERE'S WHAT I FEELABOUT IRAQ.
I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS KEEP TRYINGTO DISTRACT PEOPLE WITH IRAQ
WHEN I'M FOCUSINGON OTHER THINGS,
NAMELY THE MOON.
YES, I SAID IT,THE MOON.
CAN'T BE DISTRACTED.
"WHAT'S GOING ONWITH THE WAR?
WHAT'S WRONGWITH THE ECONOMY?"
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THAT!I GOT THAT SHIT UNDER CONTROL!
LET'S FOCUSON SPACE, NIGGER.
THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE.
'CAUSE I AIN'TSTOPPING AT THE MOON.
WRITE THIS DOWN:
M-A-R-S.
MARS, BITCHES.
THAT'S WHERE WE ARE GOING.
MARS.RED ROCKS!
- YEAH, YEAH!