of a cereal aisle,

because that's eye levelfor a child.

They see that,and they go, "That!"

And then the father goes, "Ah,how much for him not to cry?"

But healthier stuff is, like,at the top, right?

So when I go to buy cereal,like, my gaze drops.

I'm told the storyof who I should be

as opposed to who I actually am.

'Cause it's kind of like,"Right there at the top, Kashi.

"Eat that.You're not sure what's in it.

"You're not even sureif you said it correctly,

"but it's got to be good.

"There's pictures of wheaton the box.

"And look at the onenext to them.

"They're hugging and smiling.Know why?

"'Cause they're gonna livepast 40.

Kashi. Eat that."

Then I go down one more shelf.

"Corn Chex is cool.

"Corn Chex is totally fine.

"12 essential vitaminsand nutrients.

"It's right on the box.

Corn Chex, still doing great."

Then I look down one more shelf.

"Honey Nut Cheerios, okay.

"I'm losing you a little bit.

"Uh, it is Cheerios,which is good,

"but I'll tell youmy greatest concern.

"There's a cartoon on the box.

"But it is a cartoon bee,

and at least bees exist."

"As long as you staywith illustrations

"of thingsthat are actually things,

"then you're doing okay.

Honey Nut Cheerios,I'll accept it."

Final shelf.

"Elves aren't real!

"Why is that tigerwearing a scarf?!

"He shouldn't be cold;he's covered in fur!

"That captaindoes not look licensed

"to operate a vesselon the milk seas!

"And you're goingafter a cereal

"that featuresthe modern Stone Age family?

"That's not a thing!

"You can't havea small brontosaurus

"as a pet dog.

"They never existed!

"Keep down this path,

you're gonna end up just likethat diabetic vampire."

All right, that's it for me,everybody.