Eugene Mirman - Terrible Cable Company

Season 1 , Ep 101 12/14/12 Views: 1,688

Eugene Mirman doesn't know how to work with a company that doesn't see money as a reward. (1:29)

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AND I MOVED MY CABLEAND INTERNET AND PHONE SERVICE,

WHICH WAS ALL PROVIDEDBY TIME WARNER CABLE.

AND--YOU KNOW,AND I MADE A PLAN WITH THEM

WHERE THEY'D COME SOMETIMEBETWEEN SUMMER SOLSTICE

AND WINTER SOLSTICE,AND I WOULD WAIT.

OR THEY'D COME BETWEEN 10:00AND 5:00 OR WHATEVER IT IS.

AND THEN AT, LIKE, 5:00,

AT THE END OF THE TIMETHEY WERE SUPPOSED TO COME,

I CALLED THEM, AND I WAS LIKE,"HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"

AND THEY WERE LIKE,"OH, YEAH.

"WE ENTEREDTHE INFORMATION WRONG,

SO WE'RE COMINGIN TWO WEEKS."

AND I WAS LIKE,"THAT'S TERRIBLE NEWS."

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "YEAH,WE'RE A TERRIBLE COMPANY."

[laughter]

SO TWO WEEKS LATER, I'M CALLINGTHEM EVERY FEW HOURS.

I'M LIKE,"WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"OH, WE'RE COMING.

WE PROMISE.WHO WOULD DO THIS TWICE?"

AND I'M LIKE,"I DON'T KNOW."

AND, LIKE, WE'RE--

AND I KEEP CALLINGOR WHATEVER,

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"NO, WE'RE ON THE WAY."

AND THEN I CALL,AND THEY'RE LIKE,

"OOH, THE TECHNICIANTRIED CALLING YOUR CELL,

"AND IT WENTTO VOICE MAIL,

SO WE'RE COMINGIN TWO WEEKS AGAIN."

I WAS LIKE,"I DON'T LIKE YOU AT ALL.

"YOU'RE A TERRIBLE COMPANY.

"YOU DON'T EVEN FUNCTIONBY THE RULES OF CAPITALISM.

"YOU DON'T SEE MONEYAS A REWARD.

I DON'T KNOWHOW TO WORK WITH YOU."

AND I--YOU KNOW, I WAS LIKE,

I COULD WRITE THEMAN ANGRY LETTER AND BE LIKE,

"YOU'RE TERRIBLE."

AND THEY WOULD JUST PUT ITIN THEIR PILE OF ANGRY LETTERS

THAT THEY LAUGH ATBEFORE THEY GO TO SLEEP

OR WHATEVER THEY DO.

AND I WAS LIKE,I'M SO ANNOYED.

AND I WAS LIKE,WHAT CAN I DO?

AND SO WHAT I REALIZED WAS

THAT I COULD WRITEAN ANGRY LETTER,

BUT INSTEADOF MAILING IT TO THEM,

I WOULD JUST BUY FULL-PAGE ADSIN NEW YORK NEWSPAPERS.

SO THAT'S WHAT I DID.

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