Richard Lewis - Bad in Bed

Barry Sobel & The Higgins Boys and Gruber Season 1, Ep 0130 02/24/1992 Views: 1,859

Richard was with the wrong woman last week. (2:16)

AND EVERYBODY IS MARRIED ANDHAS KIDS, BECAUSE I'M IN MY 40s

AND THEY'RE ALL, YOU KNOW THEYHAVE ( feigns sob ) FAMILIES

BUT, HEY, I'M SINGLE, SO WHAT?

UM, YOU KNOW, WHY NOT?

THERE ARE A LOTOF PEOPLE OUT THERE.

ARE YOU WATCHING?

WE'RE ALONE.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITHBEING SINGLE, ALTHOUGH...

RIGHT? WHEN YOU'RE ALONE

YOU PUT YOUR TEA BAG IN ALONEAT MIDNIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOU GOT TO FINDTHE RIGHT PERSON.

I WAS WITH THE WRONG ONE...

HEY, PUT THAT DOWN,PUT THAT HOWITZER DOWN.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

UM... I WAS WITHTHE WRONG WOMAN LAST WEEK

AND LOOK, YOU SHOULD KNOW.

YOU SHOULD KNOW IMMEDIATELY,LIKE DURING FOREPLAY.

NOT EVEN-- BEFORE.

OH, I'M OPENING THE DOORTO MY HOUSE

SHE SAYS, "I SMELL A RAT."

THAT'S A MISTAKE,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN,IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN--

"I SMELL A RAT"--YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEN WE JUST, UH...I DON'T KNOW, WE GET INTO BED

AND SHE SAYS, "YOU'RE NOT GOINGTO USE YOUR PENIS, ARE YOU?"

"I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE THERE'S A PUPPETEERDOWN THE BLOCK I CAN..."

( laughter )

SHE DIDN'T WANT ME,IT WAS OBVIOUS.

I SAID, "WHAT POSITIONS?"

I HAVE TRICK KNEES,SO I'M LIMITED.

BUT SHE DIDN'TWANT TO MAKE LOVE.

SHE SAID, "I WANT US TO BOTH BEON TOP," WHICH OBVIOUSLY...

I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY HIP,ACTUALLY, ON HER END.

BUT...

THEN I HAD AN ORGASM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED.

SHE SAID IT WAS A MIRAGE.

SHE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVEMY OWN ENJOYMENT, WHICH IS SAD.

NOT THAT SHE WAS THAT GREATIN BED, BY THE WAY.

SHE WAS LITERALLY MAKING LOVETO A METRONOME

WHICH I FELT WAS,LIKE, NOT EXCITING

AND I COULD BUILDA HOUSE OF CARDS ON HER BACK

WHILE WE WERE HAVINGINTERCOURSE.

SO GIVE YOU SOME IDEA.

I KNOW I'M ANGRY,BUT STILL, I JUST...

BUT WE HAD... WE REACHED...

WELL, WE HAD SIMULTANEOUSYELLING, WHICH I FELT WAS GOOD.

IT'S SAD, THOUGH, I MEAN,I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF

SO WHEN I ASKED HERIF SHE HAD AN ORGASM--

BECAUSE SHE HATED ME-- SHE SAYS

"I'M MULLING IT OVER,I'M MULLING IT OVER."