Uncensored - Aziz Ansari - Glad You Like the Show

Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening Season 1, Ep 101 01/17/2010 Views: 142,785

Sometimes fans recognize Aziz Ansari on the street, but sometimes strangers just want to let him know about his wardrobe mishaps. (1:50)

I USED TO LIVE IN NEW YORK, ANDI LOVED LIVING THERE 'CAUSE YOU

CAN WALK AROUND EVERYWHERE,AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WALK

AROUND, SOMETIMES PEOPLERECOGNIZE ME FROM THINGS

THEY'VE SEEN ME ON TV ORWHATEVER, AND THEY'D SAY, YOU

KNOW, STUFF, AND A LOT OF TIMES,I WOULDN'T HEAR WHAT THEY SAID

'CAUSE I'D HAVE HEADPHONES ON,SO I'D KIND OF JUST GO,

"COOL, MAN.

GLAD YOU LIKE THE SHOW,"AND I'D JUST KEEP WALKING,

AND THIS ONE GUY SAID SOMETHINGTO ME ONE TIME, AND I WENT,

"COOL, MAN.

GLAD YOU LIKE THE SHOW,"AND THEN RIGHT WHEN I WALKED

PAST HIM, I REALIZED, "OH, MAN,THAT GUY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING

ABOUT THE SHOW."

HE WENT, "HEY, MAN.

YOUR FLY'S DOWN."

I WENT, "COOL, MAN.

GLAD YOU LIKE THE SHOW.

GLAD YOU LIKED SEEING MY DICKPOP OUT OF MY PANTS.

COME BACK NEXT WEEK.

YOU CAN SEE ONE OF MY BALLS."

I WENT TO A COOL SHOW INNEW YORK ONCE CALLED WALKING

WITH DINOSAURS, AND IT WAS THISTHING WHERE THEY HAD THESE,

LIKE, ANIMATRONIC DINOSAURS THATWOULD, LIKE, WALK AROUND.

IT WAS REALLY COOL.

BUT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THERE,REALLY, IN MY AGE GROUP.

IT WAS MOSTLY, LIKE, LITTLE KIDSAND THEIR PARENTS, AND I WAS

BORED WAITING FOR THE SHOW TOSTART, SO I STARTED TALKING TO

THIS LITTLE KID NEXT TO ME, ANDHE WAS PRETTY COOL.

HE WAS, LIKE, MAYBE, LIKE,EIGHT, TEN YEARS OLD.

WE HAD A LOT IN COMMON, THOUGH,YOU KNOW?

LIKE, WE BOTH PLAYED CALL OF DUTY 4 ON THE XBOX.

WE WERE--BOTH REALLY HAD SIMILARTHEORIES ABOUT WHAT WAS REALLY

GOING ON ON LOST.

AND HE WAS JUST A COOL KID.

AND EVENTUALLY, HIS DAD WASLIKE, "HEY, BRIAN, I GOT TO GO

MAKE A COUPLE OF PHONE CALLS.

YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHTHERE TALKING TO YOUR NEW

FRIEND?"HE'S LIKE, "OKAY, DAD," AND THE

DAD LEAVES FOR, LIKE, A REALLYLONG TIME, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M

NOT A CHILD MOLESTER AT ALL,BUT IF I WAS, I WOULD HAVE BEEN

LIKE, "SOMEBODY'S DOING SOMEMOLESTING TONIGHT!

LET'S DO THIS SHIT, BRIAN!

YOUR DAD DOESN'T GIVE A FUCKABOUT YOU.

HE LEFT YOU ALONE WITH A GROWNMAN WITH A FULL BEARD AT

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS.

CLEARLY, I'M OUT HERE SCOUTING,AND YOU ARE MY MAN!"

[applause]