Mo Mandel - Shellfish

South Beach Comedy Festival 2008 Season 1, Ep 2 01/28/2008 Views: 8,310

Jews are not supposed to eat shellfish, 'cause it's expensive. (2:10)

-I grew up in a townthat was very rural.

You know, I don't know if youguys have this in Florida,


That's like allwe had in my town.

Every six months, ameth lab would blow up,

and we'd lose a goodJV football coach.

I'm serious.

Back home, I rememberour high school

coach got caughtwith meth at a game.

He did.

He told the school, he'slike, listen you all.

I bought it, but I never used.

That's retarded.


I never bought drugsand not used them.

I mean, they're not condoms.

And that goes foryou, women in Florida.

I'll be in a hotel.

Come by.

Raw dog.

All right.

I did this TV show too.

It was 1:30 in the morning.

And at first the booker didn'twant me to tell the meth joke

because he said he wantedto show to be appropriate

for children as young as seven.

I was like dude, if aseven-year-old is watching TV

at 1:30 in the morning,the meth joke will work.

You guys a lot ofJews in this town?

Make some noiseif you're Jewish.

Like complain about something.


I'm Jewish too.

I suck at it.

I go to Red Lobster religiously.

I-- I suck at it.

And like Jews, we're notsupposed to eat shellfish

because it's expensive, but--it's not-- I was like the only

Jewish kid in my town too,which was hard because all

these rednecks, theydidn't like Jews,

but they didn't knowanything about us.

You know, I'd getthose weird insults.

Hey Jew boy, go back to Utah.

Queer, ha ha.

Hava Nagila, bitch.

And what am I going to say that?

Jewish guys, we'renot very tough.

I can't-- Jewishguys can't fight.

I mean like-- as far asJews go, I'm kind of tough.

Like, but I'm not t--like you know what I mean?

Like not tough, but for a Jew.

Like if I'm at your bar mitzvah,and there's one bagel left,

I'm going to get that.

There's no doubt.

But-- but ingeneral Jewish guys,

you don't usually see twoJews coming towards you

and get scared.


Unless you're in a courtroom.

But that's only in this country.

Jews are very tough in Israel.

It's very different.

Like you go to Israel,you're like, whoa.

Totally differentJews over there.

Man, there's holding guns.

They're not holdingallergy medicine.

It's like a totaldifferent ball game.