Please welcome Dan St. Germain!
How do I know it's goingto be a good crowd?
I'm just fucking with you.
It's like, guys, we couldbe tits or asses guys.
That's pretty sweet, right?
Women don't have that.
Like, you can't be adick or a balls girl.
That doesn't work.
She said, "both."
You got a winner, buddy.
My pre-show ritual.
I always-- I alwayshave this hat on,
which makes me,uh, look like, uh,
like a Unabomber Penny Marshall.
The worst I show Iever did, I was--
I did a Mumford andSons show after party.
And I had to followtwo hours of reggae.
And they just pulled theplug from the reggae,
and they were like, all right,next up, Dan St. Germain.
And I got up.
And everyone just goes, aww man!
It ended with me going,"fuck you, motherfuckers.
I hope you die in a fire."
I'm gon' make your buttholelook like Seal's cheeks!
As far as post-showinteractions go,
you have this idea that onceyou get to a certain point
as a comic, that it's goingto be like the end of a Poison
show, and, like, there's justgoing to be a bunch of girls
with blonde hair and faketits coming up to you.
But it's always-- that'snot who comedian fans are.
It's always, you know, the guywho's afraid of loud noises.
Who's, like, web-footed.
And he comes up to youand he's like, hey man,
you were really funny!
I hate my mom, too!
You wanna come backand see my trains?
If I press my ear to thereceiver close enough,
I can't hear your fear.
Family member was toview my half hour?
My grandma would belike, more dick jokes!
She's been deadfor like 20 years.