Reforming Health-Care Reform

November 13, 2014 - Jennifer Lawrence 11/13/2014 Views: 31,955

Republicans use their newfound power to undo aspects of Obamacare, prompting Stephen to celebrate with an old friend. (6:25)

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!")

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, I AM ALWAYS -- YOU KNOWME.

YOU WATCH THIS SHOW.

I'M NOT PROUD.

I'M NOT PROUD.

( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!" )

>> Stephen: OH, I CAN'T FIGHTTHAT.

BUT, FOLKS, YOU KNOW, IF YOUWATCH THIS SHOW, I'M NOT A

PRIDEFUL MAN.

I ALWAYS AM THE FIRST TO ADMITWHEN I'M WRONG, AND ONCE AGAIN,

I AM RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

THIS TIME IT'S ABOUT OBAMACARE.

FOLKS, I'VE NEVER LIKED IT.

FIRST, THEY PUT A BUREAUCRATBETWEEN AND YOU YOUR DOCTOR, AND

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THEDOCTOR AND THE BUREAUCRAT ARE

HANGING OUT ALL THE TIME ANDCONVENIENTLY FORGET TO CALL

YOU THE NIGHT THEY WANT TO GOSEE "INTERSTELLAR," AND YOU

HEARD THEY HAD SUCH A GREATTIME, THEY EVEN HAD A BEER

AFTERWARDS TO TALK ABOUT THEMOVIE.

THANKS, OBAMA.

( LAUGHTER )LUCKILY, THE REPUBLICANS ARE IN

POWER NOW, AND THEY'RE GOING TODO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BY UNDOING

SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

>> REPUBLICANS DOMINATE STATEGOVERNMENTS THIS TIME AROUND,

ALSO EAGER TO FIX OBAMACARE.

>> THERE ARE SOME CHANGES TOOBAMACARE THAT I THINK BOTH

PARTIES CAN AGREE TO.

>> WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SHOWTHAT WE HAVE IDEAS, THAT WE ARE

GOING TO PASS LEGISLATION ANDTRY TO FIX OBAMACARE.

>> Stephen: YES, AFTER MORETHAN 50 VOTES AGAINST OBAMACARE,

THE REPUBLICAN MAJORITY IS NOWPROMISING TO FIX THE LAW.

JUST LIKE WHEN YOU TRY TO MURDERSOMEONE 50 TIMES, AND IT DOESN'T

WORK, SO YOU BUY THEM A GYMMEMBERSHIP.

AND THEY HAVE A GREAT STARTINGPOINT FOR HEALTH CARE

REFORM-REFORM.

>> WE'LL TAKE ON OBAMACAREREGULATIONS THAT THREATEN THE

40-HOUR WORK WEEK.

>> LET'S PUT ON HIS DESK THINGSLIKE RESTORE THE 40-HOUR WORK

WEEK.

>> THE LOSS OF 40-HOUR WORKWEEK, BIG, BIG, MISTAKE.

THAT OUGHT TO BE RESTORED.

>> WE MUST TAKE ACTION ANDRESTORE THE TRADITIONAL 40-HOUR

WORK WEEK.

>> Stephen: YES, RESTORE THETRADITIONAL FOUR-HOUR WORK WEEK

AS GOD INTENDED WHEN HE CLOCKEDOUT AT FIVE WHETHER OR NOT THE

OCEANS WERE DONE.

THAT'S WHY FLOUNDERS LOOK SOWEIRD.

CONGRESS MIGHT NOT HAVE TO FIXTHIS WRECK BECAUSE IT MIGHT HAVE

WRECKED ITSELF.

>> OPPONENTS OF OBAMACARE HAVEANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO SAY, "I

TOLD YOU SO."

>> THE INCENDIARY REMARKS BY ONEOF OBAMACARE'S CHIEF ARCHITECTS,

M.I.T. ECONOMICS PROFESSORJONATHAN GRUBER.

>> IF YOU MADE IT EXPLICIT THATHEALTHY PEOPLE PAY IN AND

SICK PEOPLE GET MONEY IT WOULDNOT HAVE PASSED.

>> HE CLAIMS OBAMACARE WASINTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A

TORTURED WAY TO HIDE THE TAXESTHAT WOULD HAVE KILLED THE BILL.

>> Stephen: A-HA!

I KNEW IT.

OBAMACARE IS FUNDED BY TAXES,UNLIKE EVERY OTHER PART OF THE

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY KNOWS THE F-35FIGHTER JET PROGRAM IS PAID FOR

WITH CANDY SALES.

( LAUGHTER )AND JUST LISTEN TO WHY THEY

THOUGHT THEY COULD GET AWAY WITHTHIS.

>> LACK OF TRANSPARENCY IS AHUGE POLITICAL ADVANTAGE, AND

BASICALLY, CALL IT THE STUPIDITYOF THE AMERICAN VOTER OR

WHATEVER, BUT BASICALLY, THATWAS REALLY, READY CRITICAL TO

GET THE THING TO PASS.

>> Stephen: THE STUPIDITY OFTHE AMERICAN VOTER.

PROFESSOR GRUBER JUST DELIVEREDA DEATH BLOW TO OBAMACARE IN

WHAT I'M CALLING THE "ZA-GRUBERFILM."

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE OUTTHERE WHO IS OFFENDED.

JUST ASK SOUTH CAROLINACONGRESSMAN AND GUY WHO PUT HIS

WIG ON BACKWARDS .

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TREY GOWDY.

>> I WOULD SAY THIS TO THE-- TOTHE PROFESSOR.

PUT DOWN THE COGNAC, AND THELOST WRITINGS OF J.D. SALINGER.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HOW STUPIDOUR FELLOW CITIZENS ARE, TAKE A

LOOK AT LAST TUESDAY NIGHT.

>> Stephen: YES, IF YOU WANTTO SEE HOW STUPID AMERICANS ARE,

JUST LOOK AT WHO THEY ELECTEDLAST TUESDAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )IN YOUR FACE.

THESE ARE SMART GUYS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WASTING TIMEON SALINGER'S LOST STORIES?

THE ONLY GOOD ONE IS "A GIRL IKNEW."

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT THROUGH"HAPWORTH 16" YOU'RE GOING TO

NEED SOMETHING STRONGER THANCOGNAC.

OF COURSE, I DON'T HAVE TO TELLYOU, DEMOCRATS ARE.

MANIPULATIVE ELITISTS. FOX WILLDO IT FOR ME.

>> THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF GETTINGTHIS PASSED WAS ALL PREDICATED

ON MANIPULATING, LYING TO THEAMERICAN PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY

KNEW THEY COULDN'T GET IT PASSEDANY OTHER WAY.

>> THEY NEW EXWOOU THIS KIND OFSTUFF THE WHOLE TIME, THEY GIEW

EXWOOU IT, AND THEY AGREED WITHGRUBER THAT IS NOT THE TYPE OF

THING YOU COULD TALK ABOUTPUBLICLY BECAUSE IT WOULD KILL

THE BILL.

>> DO YOU THINK THEY GAVE ARAT'S YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY DON'T CARE. THEY GOT WHATTHEY WANTED.

>> Stephen: YES! CONTEMPTUOUSDEMOCRATS LOOKED DOWN ON

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE FROM THEIRIVORY TOWERS

AND THOUGHT WHAT A PATHETICHORDE OF DULLARDS.

LET'S GIVE THEM HEALTH CARE.

WHEREAS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )IT'S SHAMEFUL.

IT'S SHAMEFUL.

FOR SHAME.

WHEREAS, REPUBLICANS RESPECTEDTHE VOTERS' INTELLIGENCE BY

TELLING THEM THE DEATH PANELSWOULD GRIND UP YOUR GRANDMA TO

MAKE GLUE.

AND PROFESSOR NUMB NUTS HEREWASN'T EVEN THE WORST THING TO

HAPPEN TO OBAMACARE THIS WEEK,BECAUSE ON FRIDAY THE SUPREME

COURT AGREED TO HEAR YET ANOTHERLEGAL CHALLENGE THAT COULD KILL

THE LAW.

IT'S LIKE THE OLD SAYING-- THEWHEELS OF JUSTICE GRIND SLOWLY,

BUT EVENTUALLY THEY'LL RUN OVERSICK PEOPLE.

( LAUGHTER )NOW, THE LAST TWO TIMES I

DECLARED OBAMACARE DEAD, IDROPPED BALLOONS, AND TWERKED ON

THE GRIM REAPER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

BUT, FOLKS, LOOKING BACK--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

LOOKING BACK, I THINK THAT WAS ALITTLE IMMATURE.

SO TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA SLOWDANCE.

JIMMY?

♪ ♪♪ I JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M

WITH YOU.

♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVEYOU.

♪ IS ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪>> YOU CANNOT-- YOU CANNOT BLAME

GUY FOR TRYING.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OH!

I LOVE-- I LOVE WATCHING YOUWALK AWAY.