Wanda Sykes - Feeling Sexy

Season 1 , Ep 101 01/09/03 Views: 23,967

Wanda Sykes posits that for women, faking orgasms is just good time management. (4:30)

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WANDA SYKES>> SEE, WOMEN LOVE

FEELING SEXY.

WOMEN LOVE FEELING SEXY.

MEN LIKE HAVING SEX.

THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

SEE, MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT

FEELING SEXY AND NOT HAVING

SEX--

THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE

TO THEM.

THEY LIKE-- WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU FEEL SEXY, BUT YOU DON'T

WANT TO HAVE SEX.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

WELL, THAT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE.

I DON'T--

THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

'CAUSE GUYS--

THEY'RE LIKE--

YOU CAN'T FEEL ANY SEXIER WHEN

YOU'RE HAVING SEX.

THAT'S THE EPITOME OF FEELING

SEXY.

THE GUYS--

GUYS ARE LIKE "BABY, YOU JUST

DON'T KNOW HOW SEXY YOU LOOK IN

THAT DOGGY POSITION.

NOW I'M GONNA TELL YOU,

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU SO SEXY.

AND THE WAY THE LIGHT FROM THE

TV HITS THE SIDE OF YOUR FACE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

OH, BABY!

IT'S SO SEXY.

BUT I DON'T BLAME GUYS THOUGH.

'CAUSE WHEN YOU JUST GO LOOK AT

THE ACT OF SEX, GUYS GOT IT

MADE.

Y'ALL REALLY DO.

LOOK AT THAT.

EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX, MAN,

YOU'RE GONNA COMPLETE THE ACT

EVERY TIME.

LOOK AT THAT.

FOR GUYS, SEX IS LIKE GOING TO A

RESTAURANT AND NO MATTER WHAT

YOU ORDER OFF THAT MENU,

YOU WALK OUT OF THERE GOIN'

"DAMN, THAT WAS GOOD.

WHOO!

WHAT IS THE HELL?

AH, SHE PUT SOMETHIN' SPECIAL ON

THAT.

MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF.

GOOD LORD, THAT WAS TASTY.

I WANT TO EAT HERE THREE, FOUR

TIMES A DAY.

I LOVE THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

SEE, BUT WOMEN, IT DON'T WORK

LIKE THAT FOR US.

FOR WOMEN, WE GO TO THE

RESTAURANT, YOU KNOW, YOU ORDER

SOMETHING.

SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD.

SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SEND IT

BACK.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT GET FOOD

POISONING.

SEE?

BUT YOU HAVE THOSE HIT AND

MISSES.

YOU GONNA SKIP A FEW MEALS,

RIGHT?

OR "I'M NOT HUNGRY TODAY.

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT

STARTING MY FAST.

I THINK IT'S A GOOD TIME."

OR YOU MIGHT GO "YOU KNOW,

I THINK I'M GONNA COOK FOR

MYSELF TODAY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY I COOK.

IT'S ALWAYS FILLING.

MY COOKING STICKS TO YOUR RIBS.

I JUST LOVE THE WAY I COOK.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M A FAST COOK.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU.

I CAN WHIP 'EM UP.

TIME IT TAKES YOU TO DO ONE MEAL

I CAN MAKE THREE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT GUYS, EVERY TIME, MAN.

THAT IS AMAZING.

'CAUSE WOMEN, WE GOT TO GET IN

THE MIDDLE OF IT BEFORE WE

FIGURE OUT IF THE TRAIN'S GONNA

PULL INTO THE STATION OR NOT,

RIGHT?

WE DO.

AND THEN GUYS WONDER WHY WE

FAKE IT.

IT'S CALL "TIME MANAGEMENT".

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AIN'T NO NEED TO BE UP ALL NIGHT

WORKING ON SOMETHING WHEN I KNOW

THERE HAS BEEN A DERAILMENT DOWN

THE ROAD.

I DON'T NEED TO BE UP ALL NIGHT

WORKING ON SOMETHING I KNOW

AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

YOU JUST CUTTIN' INTO MY SLEEP

TIME NOW.

SHOOT.

I'M TRYING TO DO US BOTH A

FAVOR.

EVERY WOMAN HAS BEEN IN THAT

SITUATION.

HE'S WORKING HARD TRYIN' TO MAKE

IT HAPPEN.

YOU ALREADY KNOW IT AIN'T GONNA

HAPPEN.

AND YOU GLANCE OVER AT THE

CLOCK.

YOU LIKE "SHOOT.

IT'S 1:30 IN THE MORNING.

AND I GOT TO GET UP AT SIX.

1:30, 2:30, 3:30 4:30...

"AH, THE HELL WITH THIS.

OH, YES!

WHOO!

OH, YES, BABY!

WHOO!

OH!

OH, HERCULES, HERCULES,

HERCULES.

THANK YOU ALL.

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